About the Dark Knight - Batman 'Joker' concept

Its the outlier truths that really disturb us or make us question or think. One such example is the Dark Knight movie which exposes how nature is much more than scheming and controlling everything. There is this element of chance or probability involved in everything. This probability could also be shaped by how much we understand and perceive. More the ignorance, more the uncertainty.

The joker in the movie even challenges basic morality and proves that threatening and desperate times completely remove ordinary morality we follow in our day to day life and makes us act purely on our deepest desires or instincts. This again brings out the question "Is Morality really something absolute/true or is it just something we have been conditioned to believe in?"

There is another dialogue in the movie where he quotes "People are their true selves only just before they die" since they stop acting out of all the created concepts and act purely on instinct at such times. But it is incorrect to say this too. If you create a life threatening situation for someone, his only priority may become saving his life or his deepest beliefs and conditioning may take over. But this too is not who we really are. We are truly just energy. Everything else is part of the situation and our conditioning, level of awareness, level of understanding etc. The nature of reality is still unclear and this theory is just a small fragmentary conjecture in the whole picture.

Nature as a metaphor for everything

Sometimes, I walk by nature and observe different trees of different sizes, texture, shape etc. and also the streaks of grass in the ground and wonder:
Why is there so much diversity?
What is a grass blade a grass blade and why is a tall tree a tree? What is their inherent meaning?
Why are the grass in the ground so similar looking? Why is there so much difference between them and the other living plants and trees?
Are we also that different from each other like a big tree and a shrub? Could we also be as similar as the blades of grass next to each other? How is there so much similarity and yet so much diversity too?

Floatation tank experience - Jun 7th

Background:
After doing a lot of research on floatation tanks and the different experiences people have had in it, I decided to try a session myself. I was intrigued by this sensory deprivation idea back in India too. But I just could not find any floatation tanks in Mumbai. Luckily I found one here in Seattle. Its was a bit expensive - 65$ for 1.5hours but I guess it would have been the same rate in India as well.

I fixed up an appointment in the afternoon. That day, before leaving, I planned the entire bus routes for going and coming and took pictures. After changing 2 buses and walking a real long distance (around 4kms by foot in total) I finally reached the place. I had to constantly check the GPS to make sure I was on track. It was mostly a rainy-cloudy day with intermittent sunshine.

The tank was privately owned in an independent house. On entering the house, I was impressed by its interiors. It was my typical image of what a rich guy's house would look like. I was first told to go to the bathroom and shower with a very different brownish "earth like" smelling soap. It had a very unique smell. Then I went to the tank room where I saw this spacecraft like tank. This kind o got me further excited about the experience. I positioned myself into the tank after rolling up a bubble cover which was supposed to maintain the heat. He showed me the cool control display that controlled the temperature and lights. I was provided with a water bottle and a towel to wipe my face since the water was incredibly salty. After the explanation, he closed the tank door and told me he would check on me after an hour.

The experience:
It was completely dark whether I opened or closed my eyes. My ears were submerged in the water too, so I could hear my breathing and heartbeat. After a while I could even hear the winking of my eyes. It was a bit of effort to let go of controlling the breath. Throughout I felt that my breath was somewhat shallow and I would now and then take deep breaths which would slightly move me up and down in the water. My mind was a little figity throughout. It would keep jumping from one topic to another, mostly mundane or regular stuff. I was trying to concentrate on my heartbeat and slow it down. I had a small jerking response from my legs around 2 times indicating I was moving beyond the hypnogogic jerk.

I found visualization also a little difficult. When I tried to imagine people, I would have to refresh the image almost every second. It was quite difficult to maintain a continuous image which is surprising because I could do that easily even while lying down on a normal bed. Maybe the experience was really novel and new and I had not reached the same level of familiarity and comfort with it. I tried to imagine VIBGYOR from red to violet trying to feel each color completely. I would try to imagine that the color is all around me and within me too (I am made up of that color). The color which I found the most moving was shades of lighter blue. It brought back a feeling of wonder which I had felt in childhood.

Basically I was in a somewhat strange state of mind. The thoughts were not very different or I did not have any exotic sensations but I felt I was fairly deep into my mind. After the 1hr was up, a light music (kina like African drums instrumental) was played and I was asked if I wanted to continue. I decided to stay for another 1/2 hour. It was difficult to completely let go of the body in that floating environment. I probably found it easier doing it in a normal bed, but maybe it takes a few times to get used to. I still feel that environment has a lot of potential.

Post-Experience:
I understood the what had happened during the experience better after observing the effects it had in the later part of the day. I felt an unusual freshness which I'm not sure if I have ever felt before. Something new and sparkling inside me is the best way I can describe. Some kind of glorified freshness feeling. I also had great memory of every single thing I imagined in that tank. I wonder if its because I reached theta state, I'm not sure. Overall I felt lighter throughout the day, like Ive lost some 10+ kgs.

Improvements for next time:
1. I need to let go more - let go of fear, let of of controlling breathing, let go of the uneasiness due to the unfamiliar environment.
2. I need to eat enough food
3. I could maybe go when I'm more exhausted to reach theta faster
4. Keep some mantras or concentration tasks
5. Try defined visualization tasks
- sunrise and sun
- feel its intensity brightness, light, heat
6. Positive visualizations

Sense of Wonder about great people and works

We find "great" people from different fields throughout the world. As I read about their history and achievements I ask the questions: What is greatness? How is it defined? Who defines them? Why do we need this concept?

More than their specific field of work, what really intrigues me at a deeper level and trans-personally is the state of mind that creates this work. What is that state of mind?
Evokes wonder in me.

Cycle of job meaning

- Say, I work at 'Lattice Semiconductors' and help them design their website
- This would help them get ahead in sales and revenue and put them at a better market position
- This would lead to related industries throughout the world buying more of their products.
 Industries purchasing - 

• Wireless devices(DSP, Processors)
• Wireline(Ethernet, PCI express, RAM, Sonet)
• Video interfaces(DVI, HDMI) and Cameras
• Security and Surveillance(Camera Dev kit)
• Manufacturing
• Automotive(GPS, multimedia, remote LCD, marine, image/video processing) 
• Military and Aerospace(Remote systems, multi function h/w)

- This would keep the technology world running, more of an operational way.
- I deal with audio, video, computer h/w, internet related stuff and vehicles like cars on a daily basis. So this is how my job completes the circle.

Our smell sense

The sense of smell is the only one where we do not have memory of it. It is impossible to recall a smell. We can imagine everything associated with it but not the smell itself. Maybe thats why concentrating on the breath creates a good level of detachment since the only sense connected to breath is smell and that does not have memory. It is purely in the present moment.

About reality

- Every moment you have a qualitative experience which is unique based on your body chemistry at that moment and state of mind
- Reality for you is everything you can experience in all forms
- It is only possible to experience from your perspective, it is impossible to qualitatively experience someone else's feeling.
- Language was created to convey this unique qualitative experience and create a shared reality. But it is still a virtual reality because it reduces everything to concepts. Its idea is to create shared mutually beneficial space.
- But the only person who knows what you really want is yourself, not this shared language space or anyone else.

Thoughts and experience

Thoughts are just pointers and take you to the experience. They are never the experience themselves. They can however greatly increase your willingness to experience something, clearing the path for it. But you still need to step into it.

Vipassana troubles

During the Vipassana period, the one thing that really disturbed me was that, my desires were maintained only by me constantly thinking about them and fueling them. To stop thinking about them meant to completely renounce them or let go of them. This was scary because, the desire's intensity is maintained by this constant thinking and that is how you construct your self. If you suddenly stop to think, their intensity starts fading away. You can literally feel it fading and since the desires give you pleasure, you do not want to let go of them.

It is like through trial and error, throughout life, we have been constructing this personality. The personality is what we project to ourselves and others. It is an entity we have created to survive/flourish in the world and we believe that it is in our best interest to preserve it. If I really stop thinking and just stay in the present moment, then this personality starts to dissolve. That's the really disturbing part.

Philosophical insights - 20May

- Every experience is qualitative
- language works because of assumed shared experiences. They are fixed defined patterns defined by vocabulary used in language.
- This experience vocabulary(mime's) created by language is the virtual reality.
- Mime's - 4D objects that represent experiences
- The same words could mean totally different things to different people
- The real truth - nobody understands anything. Its their perception. We fool ourselves into believing them vs believing ourselves
- Nobody can any power over you. You just think they do. Its a false belief. When someone insults you, they just trigger your own core beliefs stored somewhere. We switch through our core beliefs many times during a single day.
- You viewing people on movies is exactly the same as seeing it in reality. Its just because you believe one is real and one is not.
- you can either go after experiences or go after increasing the experience level itself which transforms everything globally.
- alter the global variables and not the small local ones of experience.
- only people with similar experiences can ever understand us. We assume people have similar experiences. This assumption is because of this language virtual reality.For the same word they may imagine a fundamentally different qualitative experience.
- All external knowledge and processing you do is related is not you. Its just a combination of memory and processing. WHO IS PROCESSING?WHO IS HAVING THE MEMORY? That person is you.
- Nothing exists for you besides different projections of your own self. Your self is everything you know, imagine, sense, think..EVERYTHING. Everything is within, there is nothing out there. Everything you perceive has its mechanism inside you.
- My perception is the only thing that's real to me. What I cannot perceive does not exist for me. I may however be able to reach a higher plane and invoke new experiences. "My Reality" is different from "ABSOLUTE REALITY". My objective is to go closer to the absolute.
- We trust reality so much because of this physical solid dimension which can injure us. But the physical reality is just a part of the entire matrix. There are many many other dimensions and planes coexisting along with the physical. Give the physical reality its required attention but don't be landlocked by it, free yourself to explore other planes.
- What matters is "What do you feel", nothing else. For e.g.: What do YOU feel when you look at the Eiffel tower? You are free to choose any perspective you want, you do not have to bind yourself to culture, society, family, people around you etc.

We fundamentally long for oneness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBPUeYkygMY&feature=related

I kind of agree to this idea that the only thing we really long for is oneness with everything. Emotions like love are just tools to take us there. Some moments take us very close to this state and then we return to a normal state.