Insights - Nov 10

About desire:

Desireless does not mean having no desires. It means detachment to desires.  

Attachment to desires, is the actual cause of suffering.

Desires are also an appearance and therefore not true. 

Everything I say is a lie (not absolutely true):

When I know everything I say is a lie, it makes me feel so weak. I cannot say anything true. Once you see impermanence, this too shall pass, everything gets fearful and shaky. Where can you stand, when you know everything is appearing/disappearing. I cannot grasp on to any appearance. Anything I say, or act, I feel like a phony, a pretender, a fake, a falsity, a mask. It makes me really queasy. Pretending well enough to be a genuine fake is a torture.

I'm afraid of anything I notice, because if I notice something, it is going to pass away. So my attention is hiding out in fear.
Knowledge of impermanence = can create depression, until the other beliefs are removed. 

Dis-identification vs changing/suppressing/altering anything:

Dis-identification from the ego is what is needed. The ego still remains but you are no longer identified with it. Your identification is with awareness itself. The ego then is an appearance within awareness.

Riding the IRON OX of nothingness:

More than 'Do god's will' it is more accurate to say 'BE god's will'.

 
I am simply an instrument that manifests God's will. In fact, the existence of me itself is God's will.
By god here, I am referring to the infinite nothing, from which everything is projected as appearances and from which all appearances are pulled back in. What is the nature of this infinite/transcendent nothing? - It is the unknown, the unexpected, the absolutely unimaginable, beyond any possible manifestation. 

It is impossible for the intellect to understand God, because the intellect itself is the 'infinite nothing's' creation. How can a creation understand its creator? Its similar to, say, you creating a computer, and programming a software into it such that it uses all possible algorithms to think about its creator. Now the computer is limited to what you programmed it with right, those are its only resources. It cannot come up with anything apart from the complexity of the algorithms you put into it. But would any of its calculations, describe anything about you? Aren't you forever unknowable to the computer? That's how the dilemma is when we are using the mind to understand the transcendent. The transcendent is un-understandable.
 

Tracing the source of perceptions back to its source, the infinite nothing (God), is what is meant by manifesting God's will. In the sense, the main difference between your normal egoic manifestation and god's manifestation is that ego manifests from a limited conception and is limited to whatever conception is there (like how a computer is limited by the program you put into it), God's will manifests from the infinite.

If nothing is true, and everything is an appearance, then EVERYTHING can be taken away from you. There is absolutely nothing you can stand on. When this is seen in its entirety, then the place you are looking from is the nothingness, infinite nothing. From that point of view, you have true freedom. True gratitude (or true fear if there is some belief, identification) is felt when you take absolutely nothing for granted. 

Greater the dis-identification = greater the freedom. Everything is given by God, and can be as easily taken away from you too. The infinite void or nothing, that is where, you pull out all the unlimited riches. As the christians say 'The kingdom of heaven' is within. The light is projected from the infinite nothing, creating you, creating your world (I mean literally creates your world, because your world is nothing but an experience, just like how the entire world can be created in your dream just using psychic stuff). 

Who projects this light? - The infinite nothing. You are a dream of the infinite nothing. All your thoughts, powers, will, actions, words, behaviors, relationships, perceptions, beliefs, EVERYTHING, are from the infinite nothing. All that there is to do, is to relax with 'What is' and gradually completely be in union with 'What is'.