Sexual fantasizing, masturbation and actual sex should not be simply something done to curb boredom. Ritualizing these acts all the more removes their sanctity. The fascination involved and the importance of these activities should not be relegated to a pastime. These acts should only be done when you really feel like doing them for their own sake, not as a pastime, ritual or for dealing with boredom. I'm speaking about this topic from a free thinkers perspective, this is not related to any religious ideas.
Now there are other tricky issues to deal with here. How do you know when you genuinely feel like doing them for their sake alone? Firstly, if you have ritualized it, you need to step out of that grind by diverting yourself from it as much as possible for a month maybe. This would drastically reduce the strength of the conditioning. Also, beliefs like "I must do it after so-so and so interval or else something is terribly wrong with me" need to be removed. There is no such thing to support that. For example: Even if we are not scared about falling asleep in the night, we still do. In fact, if this fear existed it would only hamper our sleep at best. Our biology works best when totally left to itself. Like our breathing, whenever we try to control it, it gets messed up and we again let go of it. So letting your body adjust its hormones as it wants is a perfectly normal thing.
The other thing is the psychological slavery. If thoughts of this nature, crowd your mind each time you feel bored or empty, then they would always drive you to seek these pleasures/activities. Its very difficult to divert that energy anywhere else. The point is not about NOT doing something. Its more about losing your mental freedom and being controlled by this mime(4-D object). Its works very similar to drugs like cocaine. We rush with the activity and take it to its closure, and we are at peace for a short while because of the prolactin rush. But the need again resurfaces after many hours or in the next day like nothing has ever happened.
After 10 years of it, I have realized that indulging more in these does not give more pleasure, in fact it creates a need, I end up having an abnormally high sex drive and the pleasure comes with diminishing returns. More than pleasure the satisfaction we derive from it is crucial. In this case, indulging in it makes me want more and more of it and the psychological satisfaction is diminished. It also reduces its significance if I am indulging a lot.
Its unbelievable to me too. After pursing these for over 10000 times, the craving still oscillates in the same way, like there is no time factor at all and nothing had ever happened. These highs are like whenever you reach the finish line you feel good but after a while the finish line itself moves forward and you have totally lost your accomplishment. This goes on endlessly. Its like a sine wave that keeps going on, when the wave is up, you are horny, when its down, its off season. If you willfully do it too many times, the cycle becomes erratic or increases its frequency giving the impression of a very high sex drive. If you divert yourself later, then the cycle once again reaches its homeostasis or natural rhythm.
The other problem is the stimulus needed. Especially in the case of photos and videos, the same ones do not work for very long. There is therefore a periodic search for newer, better or more intense ones and we reach a point of time when we almost get totally desensitized from everything. Nothing seems very exciting at all. At this point, the pleasure takes a dip and it starts yielding lower psychological satisfaction.
Another problem that this causes is in relationships. Masturbation is available to us all the time, its totally under our control. But in relationship, its gets more difficult. We may initially feel relived and joyous of not needing to rely on masturbation alone and transfer a good part of the need (preferably the entire need) onto the other person. Now, we would need to deal with another human being and their preferences. What if they have a lower drive or they have specific situations or preferences which you do not have? Then it gets quite frustrating. Though the pleasure derived from the same activities done with a partner are much more rewarding in pleasure, they are unpredictable. A lot of times, you may prep up yourself for an exciting time but would be disappointed if the partner's interest seems low. This unpredictability/uncontrollability is the source for a lot of frustration and there would always be this strong drama, anger, and expectation. This makes truly loving someone very difficult. With all these differences, we may start to think purely of ourselves in a hedonistic way and just try to extract the most pleasure from this unpredictable situation.
Tolerance and Patience are difficult when we are used to huge doses of pleasure on a daily basis. If the other person is very like minded, then you may never encounter this issue. But given how unique we are, how likely is that? Even if you are a master of communication and pleasure (superbly capable of giving as well as receiving it), the other person may not have acquired the same level.
For some girls, they get attracted to such stuff only after having an experience of it first. Also factor in other behaviors from neurotic tendencies, conditioning, taboos, parental and societal influences, cultural influences, how much they have examined their own beliefs etc. In fact all these parameters impact all areas of life, not just in sex or romance.
Now there are other tricky issues to deal with here. How do you know when you genuinely feel like doing them for their sake alone? Firstly, if you have ritualized it, you need to step out of that grind by diverting yourself from it as much as possible for a month maybe. This would drastically reduce the strength of the conditioning. Also, beliefs like "I must do it after so-so and so interval or else something is terribly wrong with me" need to be removed. There is no such thing to support that. For example: Even if we are not scared about falling asleep in the night, we still do. In fact, if this fear existed it would only hamper our sleep at best. Our biology works best when totally left to itself. Like our breathing, whenever we try to control it, it gets messed up and we again let go of it. So letting your body adjust its hormones as it wants is a perfectly normal thing.
The other thing is the psychological slavery. If thoughts of this nature, crowd your mind each time you feel bored or empty, then they would always drive you to seek these pleasures/activities. Its very difficult to divert that energy anywhere else. The point is not about NOT doing something. Its more about losing your mental freedom and being controlled by this mime(4-D object). Its works very similar to drugs like cocaine. We rush with the activity and take it to its closure, and we are at peace for a short while because of the prolactin rush. But the need again resurfaces after many hours or in the next day like nothing has ever happened.
After 10 years of it, I have realized that indulging more in these does not give more pleasure, in fact it creates a need, I end up having an abnormally high sex drive and the pleasure comes with diminishing returns. More than pleasure the satisfaction we derive from it is crucial. In this case, indulging in it makes me want more and more of it and the psychological satisfaction is diminished. It also reduces its significance if I am indulging a lot.
Its unbelievable to me too. After pursing these for over 10000 times, the craving still oscillates in the same way, like there is no time factor at all and nothing had ever happened. These highs are like whenever you reach the finish line you feel good but after a while the finish line itself moves forward and you have totally lost your accomplishment. This goes on endlessly. Its like a sine wave that keeps going on, when the wave is up, you are horny, when its down, its off season. If you willfully do it too many times, the cycle becomes erratic or increases its frequency giving the impression of a very high sex drive. If you divert yourself later, then the cycle once again reaches its homeostasis or natural rhythm.
The other problem is the stimulus needed. Especially in the case of photos and videos, the same ones do not work for very long. There is therefore a periodic search for newer, better or more intense ones and we reach a point of time when we almost get totally desensitized from everything. Nothing seems very exciting at all. At this point, the pleasure takes a dip and it starts yielding lower psychological satisfaction.
Another problem that this causes is in relationships. Masturbation is available to us all the time, its totally under our control. But in relationship, its gets more difficult. We may initially feel relived and joyous of not needing to rely on masturbation alone and transfer a good part of the need (preferably the entire need) onto the other person. Now, we would need to deal with another human being and their preferences. What if they have a lower drive or they have specific situations or preferences which you do not have? Then it gets quite frustrating. Though the pleasure derived from the same activities done with a partner are much more rewarding in pleasure, they are unpredictable. A lot of times, you may prep up yourself for an exciting time but would be disappointed if the partner's interest seems low. This unpredictability/uncontrollability is the source for a lot of frustration and there would always be this strong drama, anger, and expectation. This makes truly loving someone very difficult. With all these differences, we may start to think purely of ourselves in a hedonistic way and just try to extract the most pleasure from this unpredictable situation.
Tolerance and Patience are difficult when we are used to huge doses of pleasure on a daily basis. If the other person is very like minded, then you may never encounter this issue. But given how unique we are, how likely is that? Even if you are a master of communication and pleasure (superbly capable of giving as well as receiving it), the other person may not have acquired the same level.
For some girls, they get attracted to such stuff only after having an experience of it first. Also factor in other behaviors from neurotic tendencies, conditioning, taboos, parental and societal influences, cultural influences, how much they have examined their own beliefs etc. In fact all these parameters impact all areas of life, not just in sex or romance.
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