Monday, December 24, 2012

Gravity, Law of attraction - expansion and contraction

If entropy is continuously increasing - if this is a basic law - then functions such as holding on to memory, habits, beliefs would use up much more energy - like dough is a much more ordered form but so much of heat energy is required to make it.

Maybe law of gravity is law of attraction. Gravity is the reason solids exist bringing together particles. Gravity may be creating weight. Gravity may be creating personality.

Consciousness is space where everything exists in it. Realizing this and giving up ones ego for unlimited vast space is like collapsing gravity of personality. Now this is a confusing part. If the personality is collapsed, why would have any attractive force powers? Wouldn't that make you a pure nobody? But surprisingly a lot of people of this sort have reported to be very attractive to everyone around. Maybe this collapse has a duality in it. They are either nobody or they become an incredible attractive force.

Maybe even emotions like love and inclusion feel like expansion while fear, repression is a contracting emotion. Is our natural nature to simply be in tune with the most basic law of the universe to expand forever. So holding on to anything is consuming lot of energy. At the most basic level we hold on to our personality with all its beliefs. Maybe holding on to this sense of I is a contraction. Are we overcoming this by acquiring more and more material possessions and emotional ties with other people? Maybe this explains our social desire. Our need for increasing learning. We want to continually keep expanding in everything. Romantic interest allows us to do this at a much more intimate level.

Does this also explain why our evolution is pushing us to connect with everyone else? For example the internet for sharing experiences and knowledge in the best way we know until now - media channels.
What is music in that case? Isn't it a manifestation of order? Isn't beauty a combination of unity - harmony and variety - diversity, Also how does it satisfy layers of order and disorder in reality?

Love as a trophy vs love like air

Imagine you’re really attracted to someone and have all kinds of experiences with them, the implicit agreement is that you would store the memories with me in a special place in your mind and cherish them like trophies. If you are always in the present moment, there is no trophy, you are not in this game anymore, your love is everywhere like air and there are no special places or preferences, there is no selection. This goes against typical romantic love and pursuits where there is a very distinct selection.

A non-selective choice less awareness is like air, everywhere uniformly present while our conventional love definition is more like a solid object we treasure like a trophy. So a person in this state does not have a personality as an object, it’s like air or water, infinitely modifiable, not even like clay which has some limitations. So in the personality dimension when all the solids are trying to find a way to fit into each other, the air just fits in anywhere and resides in a large space.

Non-duality, attachment, euphorigens

No experience is me. No experience is needed for me to be complete. I would be complete and in absolute bliss in a non-experience state. It is the deepest rest and the profoundest peace possible. Craving for a certain experience is like getting a taste of a sweet when you’re extremely hungry and the craving is to completely indulge yourself in it. Certain thoughts are super potent. They create a brief taste of the euphorigens and then the craving starts for the same. This also gives me more empathy towards drug addicts. When your stomach is fully satisfied, you wouldn't feel like eating the sweet. But in this case, the craving for experience (variety, intensity, harmony, beauty, purity etc.) is a hunger that one has to understand more deeply.

The euphoric state feels excellent but it is continuously present for too long then it becomes a baseline and loses significance, also since there is nothing to compare it against.
There are many ways to control this. I think there is a very deep inherent unfulfillment that persists no matter what experience is triggered. This can be observed by mindfulness. Mindfullness is totally needed for satisfaction of any sort because, what is the use of being happy if you do not know you are!
Eating a perfectly sattvic diet will reduce the number of euphorigens and therefore all cravings. With this the pure mindfulness quality can be stronger. Yogic asanas and pranayama can also similarly reduce cravings quite a lot.

I am simply attached and drawn to certain mental states of mind. It happens in the mental plane. I am different from others because of the mental states I am attached to. Compared to an ordinary person, my mental life is richer by a factor of atleast 100. Even physical objects are ultimate a spiraling of thought on matter. So in a way, everything is mental and your life is absolutely rich, if your conditioning is almost nil the whole mental space is your oyster for play. Beyond this freedom is the ultimate freedom of realizing your self which is the ultimate observer, a plane even above the mental space. That would be freedom from all action and change.

I am attached to certain perspectives, thoughts and ways of seeing things since on examination they give the best combination of freedom and reward. Is there really a higher and lower perspective? Each perspective is an optimizing equation. But what is the equation optimizing? What is the sample space of this optimization? I guess that would be the entire mental continuum. So we are basically selecting some experiences over others. What if we just rise off the entire mental continuum like stepping out of the dimension, allow our brightness to shine completely and then look at all experience as equal and simply as members of the mental dimension?
The transition would be like, if you visited another planet and stayed there alone long enough with aliens then all humans would look alike to you. This would be in stark contrast to the distinctions we make on earth such as good, bad, ugly, beautiful, man, woman etc. So does moving to the non-dual state essentially mean stepping out of the entire experience continuum? Is this what they call emptiness or nothingness!

Contemplation on why society exists

It seems like all minds are the same and each mind contains the whole of all experience. Just that each is in a different configuration optimizing certain variables. Each mind is a subjective bubble and isolated at least as of my perception. Different minds manifest different amounts in this physical plane. What is a doctor, engineer etc. without any social context? It is a specialization in a particular thought form. Society mostly favors specialization and works on 'mutual trust' that others are doing their specializations respectively. The trust factor is so important here.

Why is the current system not agreeable? economic inequality, concentration of power with the elite, exploitation of the working class, corporations manipulation, work slavery, rigidity, suppression, social manners, conventions, excessive consumerism at the cost of the planet, myopic compulsive thinking to just reach target after target, encouragement of addictive forms such as work holism,  etc. Society is the synthetic collective mind entity and the fact that it is running shows that people are actually happy with it. Awareness and beliefs are the main factors here. What will you do if you totally believed that the government was god's order? What if each human being was made completely aware of everything? How would the world be? Is this deliberately part of the design so that these cycles can go on? Human emotion expressing themselves as opposing forces? Why does delusion even exist? Maybe that is also part of the duality game, the fun of waking up? the joy of finding these delusions out? the joy of correcting incorrect knowledge and organizing?. All these cycles? And we don’t know how long these cycles might last. Maybe it is kind of like the yugas in Hindu mythology lasting 1000's of years. Maybe even delusion is an integral part of this whole cyclic game or universe of interconnected patterns.

Changing energies, origins of I, diffusal of focal points

I have a perception of me, my priorities, mental maps etc. and EVERYTHING ELSE in my perception is JUST a filler. Here the duality of lack and fulfillment operate. But if I totally relax or rest my self-definitions, priorities and feelings of separateness then I zoom out into another level where many new states of consciousness open and everything that was in the periphery before, actually becomes me. In truth every single thing that I can perceive, experience, be aware of, cognize etc. is me. There is no solidity to anything. Everything is just of miasma of movement and continuous change. Identity is for social convenience just like time. It has no intrinsic reality or essence. We give meaning to the stories, projections, images and videos and finally the physical experiences they cause. But nothing has any essence. Everything is the same basic substance - consciousness scape/water in an ocean. Just like we have a dreamscape for dreams, you can objectify and go through tons of emotions in the dream but when you wake up it’s all gone. How substantial is that? Isn't that the reason people dismiss it as unreal? Extending the same logic, isn't our reality also quite similar with experience being everything? The objects, identity, concepts, priorities, projections are all products of a man made social mind. How can that be taken as something real? Yet we stick to that and live thinking we are a separate individual with a separate identity for the rest of our lives. Why is that not ridiculous then? If I slap you, will you say the pain is you? Isn't the experience of how we call ourselves also ever-changing especially in pure body sensations and thoughts?

By continuous reinforcement from childhood we have created a somewhat solid entity of ourselves. Because of the reinforcement and habits formed (thinking, physical actions etc.) we create this persistent imagination or phantom of who we are and believe that for the rest of our lives. Society pressures you right from birth to define an identity which is why the first thing done is give you a unique name. After that the separateness of things is gradually instilled by associating each object with a sound in language. You tell a child this blue color thing in your hand is called "pen" by repeating the word pen again and again whenever the child holds it. We do this for all objects including the child's identity itself. Initially the child associates the blue object as "pen". But the next day you show another red pen and then repeat the word "pen" again. Now the child is a bit confused but it combines the common characteristics of the two and improvises on its concept of the pen. In this manner, but repeating words again and again for different situations the child is in, we reinforce, improvise and broaden definitions of all concepts for the child. 

Once its older, its definition of pen becomes refined like this:

Any object with the following properties:
·         function - to write on paper or on a digital instrument by hand
·         properties - shape, color, texture, material, mechanical parts, affordances
·         typical pen - writes in blue color, is long cylindrical and has a handle and a press button on top

Now this is a micro example of the pen object just to show how a child learns concepts. Along with teaching the child all these concepts, you also teach it a mothership concept of "identity - me". Whenever a child is having pain, you tell the child "you are always having pain" OR if people do not like the child much you say "you are not desirable to people". Now the child attaches this painful experience or the undesirability to its definition of self. Just like the pen example, the child builds up and improvises this definition of itself. Once the definition matures a bit, it starts using the word 'I' and memory starts to function. That is why we do not have any memories of the time before 3 or 4 years of age. Think about it, if you don’t know what to look at among 1 billion stimuli, how can your memory work?, what will you store?. So identity gives you definitions, priorities and maps for what is important and what is not and once this is well formed, your memory can start to function. So bringing up a child is actually a supreme act of creation.

So it’s a funny paradox. This filter that prioritizes what we should do, what is important, what is not, where our energies must flow, what experiences should we seek, what should we move towards etc. is created first and then we have our identity formed. Only after the identity is formed do we have memory. The funny part is we look back on memory to find out why we are like this. Why we are like this cannot be found in memory because the identity was prior to that. It’s a job done by your parents/circumstances/social interactions/experiences at an early age over which you have no control. That is why identity is a socially created phenomenon. It is not intrinsic and that is why part of enlightenment is seeing through this completely. It is just like any other concept but we take it extremely seriously because we think it is something solid or real.

The truth seems like a pure de-conditioning of all perception of who we are. That is why they say the "Who are you?" question will eradicate all your doubts. People take the doubts so seriously but never question the beliefs/paradigm/assumptions on which the doubt resides. We just have to intensely look into it and absorb it so intensely that we instantly see how all of it is empty of essence just like the feeling of a slap is not attached to you. One we advance sufficiently to see through our entire identity and its assumptions/beliefs, many dualities start to disappear like the perceiver and perceived become one; The knower and the known become one; and there is absolute freedom just like becoming lucid in a dream and being able to do absolutely anything. All that is needed is total relaxation and allowance of everything as it is at every moment. Every time you relax into anything, you diffuse its importance and it allows you to see how other options maybe equally probable or valid.

Relaxing is basically a zooming out. Suppose you were on the ground and standing just beside a tall building, the building looks very large and massive. But what if I took you 13000ft up in the air for a skydive, this large building just looks like a small dot. What if I took you to outer space - could you even see the building? In a sense ideally as we grow up this is what should happen - i.e. a broadening of our identity and diffusal of individual parts based upon all the new experiences we have.

All reference points and even existence is an idea that slips in and out. You simply relax into all those ideas and perspectives. Even alan watts theories has so many reference points or angles. What disappears in 5 seconds is not real. The desire to find the ultimate reference point is from insecurity. It acts as a middle man between the world and the interpreter (ego). You exist is a prerequisite for anything even the experience absolute consciousness.

Relax all focus points and center in the bliss - it’s just surrendering everything - causeless realm is where bliss is - it doesn’t know anything - it’s the nature of innocence - get out of all stories, analysis, philosophizing, giving importance to anything etc. - experience your experience without focusing on it - no objectifying - its absolute relaxation in timelessness - awareness is the space in which duality occurs - personal development in for improving personality, focus is still on causation, in management mode, it’s not freedom, it’s helpful in the relative plane - freedom is causeless and timelessness, there is no independent nature or essence to things, all are expressions of one life, perceptions in one awareness, everything is water. We attach experiences like happiness to certain objects - it’s like there is a map of images and accordingly our experiences are felt - this is the illusion 

Symbolism - projections - words are just empty - mind pictures/movies are empty - it’s all deconstruction to reach enlightenment - If I seek an experience, can I maintain it for the rest of my life? - like watching the laptop screen and imagining the movie - OR dreaming in the night and projecting onto a dreamscape that just fizzes away - So what is the image of wellness, analyze each component, is it a valid image, how long will it last, can it last forever? - this is the man made/social mind - imagine the most stressful state and look at it critically and it’s still possible to allow it and see - it’s so beneficial to see the emptiness because it helps you rest more and more and get real freedom - happiness is not an image (the images are empty) it’s more of a relief and allowing everything to be right here - enlightenment as a word is empty and when you fully imagine what it would look like the emptiness can be seen - it’s simply the inescapable seeing and the emptiness of everything - in a relative world, all words point to things - Ask the question: What am I doing? What if I stop everything and just be ‘non-doing’. I have to investigate how many things disappear.

Origins of separation and strategies

Whatever you focus your attention on becomes your experience. Description points experiences a lot in daily life. Separation is enhanced by description/contextual thinking and reduced by relaxation. Without words there is no sense of separation. Even sense of separation is a part of separation. If it doesn’t look like that it looks like this - based on belief in a sense of separation itself. the minute you describe, it’s a new story. Longer more detailed stories appear more inherent. Separation is just a particular state of consciousness. Only the thinking is creating the sense of separation. Relaxing dissolves this.

How much separation is originally coming from sensory experience? Is there a single word in the universe outside your mind? Everything is a confirmation of awareness. We love the thought of love, peace, joy. 'You exist' is transcendental and exists simultaneous with everything else like the lowest common denominator. When you see the dualities they self-destruct each other into peace and freedom. Only a thought can be against of another thought. Let every experience be a confirmation of your existence/aliveness/awareness.

What’s the use of knowing what we already know? You don’t want to make sense of it, put together some thoughts together so that things can be left - You want to understand to let go, trust and be. We may really want to just be. We keep questioning and when an answer satisfies we are in bliss and relieved till the next question.

Extending identity to all perceptions

Its too easy to fall in love with pleasant perceptions. In fact it is almost automatic and effortless. The challenging part is to love everything that arises even the most grotesque of forms and feelings. After all everything we perceive is who we are. We are inseparable from all kinds of perception or more like the space in which perception is happening. If we hold on to a small set of perceptions, call it 'Me' and treat everything else as external and push it away, its ignorance of this fact. There is a interconnected system referred to as the physical body that moves with you but you are FAR larger than that. You are the perceiver behind the machine and the machine itself is highly interconnected to its environment.

Subjective time vs clock time

If electrical signals are much faster in an ant's brain (since its far simpler) as a result of which it has subjectively lived a lot longer than we think, then, on similar lines, would a more intelligent human being feel time pass really fast since the signals take a long time passing through creating intricate perception?

Social Interaction / Awareness / Fragmentation

What is the deepest truth about social interaction. Why do we need it? Is it a physical need or a purely mental need? Is it conditioning dependent or independent? What exactly feels bad when I'm alone? Is being with people like expanding your mind by attaching other modules which communicate with you in a certain protocol (cultural rules) through a certain medium (language)? Is that the main reason? OR is it related to safety? A feeling of being safe because you have multiple minds invested in your security? If it was just physical security, the solitary confinement chamber in prison would guarantee great security. But probably social interaction is security for all your mental troubles.  If its a need for stimulation, it is there everywhere abundantly in all the sensory objects around me. But sensory objects do not really exist beyond perception and it is the perceptions we want. Maybe being alone locks you into a certain perceptual state and interacting with other people provides a change of perceptions. But interacting with one person or group for too long again locks you up in a similar situation from which you seek to escape. So the greatest fear seems cessation of experience or death. The second greatest fear is locking of an experience in a certain paradigm for extended periods like a 9-5 typical job assuming doing exactly the same kind of things for decades. The most limited our scope of experience, the more our fear is until it collapses at 0 (death). By the universal principle of duality, having fundamentally different and altered states every single day will wipe out predictability and stability. That would be the fear of losing all coherence and absolutely going crazy. The most fearful areas seem to exist on the ends of the continuum. So we think we want pleasure, but actually what we really seek is freedom of perceptions. Craving arises when the reality is unbalanced. Imagine your right side of your body is heavier than your left side causing you to tilt to the right and you have to put constant effort to be straight. So you pray that your body should be heavier on the left side. But if that happens once again, you tilt to the left and you want the right side to be heavier again. So here the left side could be suffering and the right side could be pleasure. The ideal would be an equally balanced left and right sides and you have the freedom to tilt to whichever direction you want anytime which is the case now, which is why you do not even have this desire.

Awareness itself occurs continuously against a background of nothingness. If you background is nothingness, you are supremely alive. If your background is what you call the subconscious or aspects of reality outside your awareness then your reality is accordingly evolving. The social structures which allow manifestation of emotions are highly slow moving and subject to many many constraints. Thats why its so difficult to perceive these higher truths. You are often locked into a particular identity and functional expectations and roles, a certain culture such that you are in a way trapped. So you keep making small efforts in your everyday life to break out of this and dream of total freedom. But this whole dream is fueled by the lack. The poor dream of being rich and die with that dream. A man with a boring life dreams of adventure all his life. The great adventurer if unbalanced dreams of a stable loving safe secure home environment. The fantasy drawn individual dreams of wonderful utopian worlds which are wonderful only with the background memory of your current situation. If you were born in that utopia, you would not even perceive it to be 'UTOPIA'. The utopia would be the ordinary in that case.

Another difficulty in understanding this is the whole fragmentation of our awareness. Our awareness jumps between numerous micro identities throughout the day. Each of these identities is an unbalanced reality and therefore having a certain desire. We are confused because which one would you satisfy? One of them would want adventure and one of them wants comfort and security. You may plan the adventure while you are in a certain identity and then suddenly want the opposite when the date arrives because you have shifted to a different identity. The ultimate 'Point of seeing' or depth possible is nothingness. So we deepen awareness by increasing our power of observation of these states.  Starting off with the gross and then penetrating to the subtler and subtler planes. Gross and subtle are not 2 different things. The particles of the gross are progressively splintered in subtler and subtler states. Like crushing sugar into smaller and smaller particles. Every single aspect of the self: memory, concentration, awareness, outer sensory reality should be investigated at finer and finer levels. Scientific investigation is a long way off this depth since science itself is resting on a particular paradigm. Its basically does not take into account the aspects of the observer itself. It does not delve into the non-material aspects which are bundled up into metaphysics, subjectivity, pseudo science, paranormal, mystical stuff. It is a certain method developed for investigation of truth and belief in this is so strong because it offers explanation to most of the outer observed phenomena. Its function dependent. 'How to do something' in the material/sensory world is in the realm of science. Not why you want to do anything in the first place? why are we even here? what is the nature of everything I know etc. these are hard problems not addressed. Objectivity is just consensus reality and this reality is just a small bunch of currently popular paradigms. These paradigms are not true objectivity, they are just loyal to the rules and assumptions not to the truth. An entire human civilization of billions of minds may communicate based on certain basic assumptions for convenience. But the assumptions are like lines of longitude, numbers etc. or concepts. That is why untenable arguments are possible because it is very difficult to spot those assumptions in the massive tight interconnected web of all concepts built over the basic ones.

Centered in nothingness/everythingness with absolute freedom is the ultimate dream or enlightenment.

Social groups and investments

Most groups form because there is an implicit knowledge they share. If you had a very different upbringing, this knowledge would not be implicit. In some ways it’s also tendencies. For example: If you have never been a groupie, you are unlikely to move to that mindset in future unless there is a real need. The tricky part with social relationships is investments. Social investments take time, energy, freedom and time from you. But these investments also accrue with time. Lets take an example of a person who had a  lifestyle with minimum investment and much higher solitary time during childhood. He would have therefore not have gained a lot of exposure to the various relationships that exist in social life. In adulthood, if he wished to suddenly switch, it would be difficult because of lack of foundation. It’s like wanting to be a millionaire overnight when all your life you have lived in middle class. 

Societal structures involving money and social relationships are slow moving and take intention, energy over a certain time to manifest. If you personality is in a unique exotic place, then that is exactly what you’ll be. It’s like again and again trying to mix incompatible substances and expecting them to dissolve into each other. 

The fun of this game is that, an identity gets created in childhood until you are 6, and then in adulthood, you seek to reverse engineer the whole thing and reclaim all of your freedom along with a deep understanding of all the ways this realm of reality works. Most people just perpetuate their childhood identity and live life in that psychological space with limited awareness. If it is serving most of their needs and if they have enough dreams in their identity blueprint that they believe in, they would not inclined to really understand the matrix itself.

All of experience/life as relationship

The definition of all objects exists with respect to the context i.e. in relationships to ALL other objects. There are infinite definitions for objects possible because there are infinite grouping combinations possible.

For example: If there are 5 objects, I would have to apply permutations and combinations to find out how many relationships (set groupings) are possible.
There are 32 ways of perceiving 5 objects in various relationship pairs. So there are 32 ways in which these 5 objects can be perceived.

Learning involves both putting awareness into new objects (experience packets) and their relationships too which mature over time. In our trillion cells in the brain, the number of relationships possible is infinite. Imagine permutations and combinations with a trillion – 1 followed by 1 lakh zeroes == infinity. This is why there are infinite realities and each person resides in a unique infinite whole. You can have infinite infinities and all of them are wholes. We have parts and wholes only for finite discrete systems, not for the paradigm of the infinites. (In the paradigm of certain assumptions, like what defines the smallest unitary particle based on our sense perceptions or technology relevant).

Change is seen as abrupt only when your awareness is partial. The movement of light looks immediate to our visual sense. But the flow of light itself can actually be witnessed by using a super slow motion camera. The person living in low awareness would have life filled with abrupt changes. To escape this, he might stay in a very narrow band of experience which is tolerable for him and reality would be quite uncomfortable because of this lack of knowledge.

Imagine a tea cup sliding from your desk and falling off in just 4 frames i.e. 4 discrete steps. If your awareness was much higher, let’s say you see the same movement but in 30 frames. Now you have many more frames to stop this tea cup from falling. So extend this analogy to everything.

Relationship dynamics

Relationship quality is about being a good giver and good receiver. Reciprocation is implicit in my behavior with others – I expect to get from what I give – I expect at least equivalence in the mindset, tolerance, patience, involvement, acceptance, friendship, acknowledgement, feedback, reception, quality of attention, participation, allowance, respect, dependability, trustworthiness, and accommodation.

This list of subtle qualities seems highly reasonable to me and I set an example by giving the same out. But the tricky part is the other person’s reality is only intersecting mine to a small extent and the communication channel is weak. Language is the only way available for humans to communicate. Deeper the subtlety in language and awareness, deeper is the understanding possible. There is enormous scope in how much language can transmit leaving apart really unique and mystical experiences. But for the purpose of a relationship, from what I have seen around me, it can be used to reach tremendously higher. In a relationship, the strength of the system = strength of the weakest link. If my communication and expression ability is very highly developed but the other person is a rookie, then there is a severe compromise.

I interact with other people ultimately to satisfy some NEED of mine. I am preoccupied with my needs. But people would interact with me only if their need matches mine. They are similarly preoccupied with their needs. We have a small part of ourselves which we call our public self. In the mind level, this comes under basic social manners, morals and culture. This portion of us gets satisfied in our everyday interactions. But there is a huge part which remains underground and is revealed only when we find a great match. When you would meet this match, is just up to universal reality. Its like a slot machine giving you a jackpot now and then but is unpredictable and rewards are temporary.

Vibrational energy levels

The physical reality is part of our experience. It represents the lower vibration of all physicality. We also experience thoughts, desire, mood etc. which are higher vibrations. Creation comes from the infinite to the finite i.e. from infinite vibration to the lower vibrations. Depending upon your awareness level, you would either feel the world is very static and unchanging or that the whole world is in an ever changing ecstatic flux that operates in harmony when seen from the whole. Along with the physical elements we can also perceive the invisible thought, emotion (feeling), desire, proprioception, energy level, intellect, memory, time and space. So these are some of the higher dimensional realities.

On deep observation, an aloof, indifferent, detached, ever present, eternal, constant awareness is found that operates ALL the time. This is the deepest you operating at the creator level consciousness at the highest vibration. It is the very knowing at the deepest level and you are it.

Flow, manipulation and Plato's cave allegory interpretation

When you do something you do not really want to do or believe in, it is pure resistance. You could do it with dedication and steady incremental effort, but you would only get more of what you don’t want. This becomes a habit pattern and you end up with the mindset that life is hard and we have to work hard for success or any attainment. Do you work hard to get involved in an excellent movie or documentary or an interesting hobby? Do you even call that work? Naturally inspiring things just move our attention to them effortlessly. That is exactly what is meant by flow. Even the mildest form of resistance felt means you are impeding the flow. I had seen both the sides intensely since, when I’m alone and intensely reading, I am in flow while in many social situations I am putting a lot of effort in trying to entertain them and make them accept me. There are elaborate logical systems we use to justify why we oppose this natural flow – culture, society, family traits, concept of habits, conditioning etc. So all this creates a basic lack of TRUST with very detailed hypnotizing elaborate stories to hide this fact – like mythology, religion, evolutionary sciences. We are told what our fears should be in a very subtle way.

Different techniques can be used for manipulation. Manipulating at the physical layer is using physical punishment. Manipulation at the thought layer is creating elaborate convincing stories and creating economic structures. Manipulation by hypnosis or beliefs level is at the highest vibration. Without a high level of awareness and sharp questioning, it may be quite hard to even cognize it. 

You become the qualities that move and inspire you. What truly inspires you is exactly what you will become eventually if the flow is not impeded. If there are too many dis empowering beliefs, then this inspiration too can be completely hidden from you. 

In the Plato’s cave allegory:
-         The shadows in the cave that entertained people and kept them occupied represent the typical world view people carry today. They run after the shadows or symbolic entities instead of the thing itself. This may include money, status etc. They also believe that they are an isolated body mind and operate under the Darwinian model of beliefs or certain other orthodox beliefs from religious doctrines.

-          The fire behind represents the actual desires – love, freedom, true riches, awareness, understanding etc.
-          So basically turning towards the fire is turning away from understanding all the symbolic forms we chase – relationships, money; to understanding the actual things themselves.

-         The sun represents the universal, infinite which gives rise to EVERYTHING including the shadows, the na├»ve people, all the duality equations etc. creating this infinitely balanced and perfect play of vibrational forces.

Dynamics of language

Perception and language are so finely intertwined. The person with finer perception would have longer descriptions for things and would try to improve on vocabulary. Our language also denotes our persistent perceptions. If I use the word “I” everyday 100 times, that means I perceive this “I” word experience that many times too. My choice of words determines my personality, interests, passions, what matters to me, meaning etc. We all have the same basic senses, but language adds whole new layers of concepts. It is connecting engine among humans. Each human has a language (verbal) module and we convey and receive information through this. It’s like a router.  Language and memory are also totally connected. We convert our experiences into language symbolism to encode them in memory. It is the descriptive layer of memory that allows us to be selective in our focus, differentiate, categorize etc.

Verbal communication is abstract in a sense because its empty and it only points to direct experiences. A group of words put together can help us empathize and relive old memories too. Words do not convey the exact direct experiences but they still come pretty close for a plethora of things. At a very high level, we give meaning to each of the words (sounds) we hear. Language and art are the only tools I have for sharing my experience of life.

The tricky part is that every person interprets words according to his/her experience. So you can never be sure of being perfectly understood. If two people have a very advanced vocabulary and fine perception and interest, they could reach great heights. That is what I am attempting to seek - A level of communication and connection far beyond the bourgeoisie, mundane. Language also determines the level of intimacy between 2 people. Deeper, finer, richer the language, better the expression power, better is the richness of the communication, leading to profound connection.

Putting full effort

Because we never put full effort we can never know what we are ultimately capable of. At some level we are afraid that we might discover we are no good at something, so we never try OR we try with partial effort so that we continue to dream. It’s almost like we are divided in such a way that a part of us purposely prevents us from putting full effort since it’s very afraid of failure or hiding from us some deep unpleasant truth. That’s why full effort totally allows you to see what you is true and what is not with far greater clarity. In fact full effort = quite analogous to perfect clarity on whatever it is applied to.

Undifferentiated awareness

When you drop everything, you reach an undifferentiated state without verbal thought. Basically when you pull yourself back to see the entirety, there is just experience. I use thoughts and break this pure infinite experience down into space, time, objects, other people etc. If I just totally pull myself to observing the entirety or the whole, I see that there is just ever changing experience. All value lies in the experiences themselves. All our categorizations of good/bad, right/wrong, self/other, inside/outside are just coming from our mental models of reality which we collect over our lifetime. But the model will only be an accurate as the depth of our investigation of reality. Generally people get lost in an infinite horizontal space and fail to see that this space they are standing on is itself resting on some unquestioned beliefs. In diving to the depths of consciousness, we see that there are only 2 states – awareness and non-awareness (sleep, part of dreaming, perception in waking life). You could take it even further and ask the question, who knows about the unawareness part – well awareness knows. So there is ONLY awareness and nothing else. The experiencer, experienced and the experiencing are happening in awareness. Awareness/Consciousness/Light is all that there is. Everything just is. Every moment is full of it, including illusions, mental conceptions, preoccupations, physical reality etc. – all of them are mental concepts occurring within awareness. You are everything there is. The magic of questioning helps to get through the layers of illusion.

Someone might raise the question ‘If a rat nibbled on your toe in the night, didn’t that happen? How can it be said that there is nothing apart from you? For this question the answer would be that there is simply experience which is complete at every moment and the value is intrinsic, in this very wholeness. A rat nibbles at you at night. There is a concept of day/night, rat, nibbling, harm, pain, you, separation (being separate from the rat) etc. But how would a new born look at it? There is just experience, no concepts of rat, mammals, good/bad, day, night, harm etc. The baby is not even aware of sleep because it simply happens. The experience is one flow and memory is the only thing that maintains time (due to comparison).

2nd Attempt Jhana meditation

This was my 2nd attempt at Jhana meditation without a timer. Sat in a room which was mostly silent with very mild road noise and a clock tick. In this session, I was able to concentrate on my breath for up to 60-70% of the time. On closing my eyes the mental plane started mildly swirling and dancing but I tried to look at the entirety of the movement from an empty space again and again. I noticed that I needed to relax further down, this helped get rid of the ‘holding on to an image’ problem. The perceptions were still dancing about initially, but this time, I stayed more firm with my observation frame and caught the breath. The breath in the very relaxed state felt non-physical. It was a pure feeling and I could not locate it in space. I could not even feel its direction beyond how I chose to visualize it: as a sphere expanding and contracting, as a piston moving back and forward etc. I could drop the physical aspect, space and direction of it. It felt like a ‘subtle feeling’. I tried to reach this place again and again during my 15 min meditation and then concluded.

Anger about societal interpretations of sex and love

Sex is a pleasure object that is so outside your egoic control. When you really want it, you don’t get it. When you’re in an average mood, you get it. Then the whole power game kicks in with questions like: Why should I do it when you want, when you don’t give it to me when I want it? This lack of control about the whole experience and you being at the mercy of luck and your partner is so ego-destroying. It makes me a slave at the whim of my master. My master is actually the attachment to the pleasure I get from it. My partner would be the agent for evoking the pleasure, so in a way, she is the master. It makes me feel vulnerable, pathetic, pitiable, helpless, a slave, and at the mercy and whim of my master. It gives so much of my power away to the other person. It makes me feel like a puppet which the other person can abuse. It’s so demeaning, humiliating, hurtful and insulting. The entire internet keep ramming into my head that it’s the most pleasurable thing in the world even more than all drugs. Then why don’t I have access to it? Am I supposed to just wait my entire life at the mercy of someone who would provide me that? Too dis-empowering! Why is it such a pain to get sex when you exactly want it? Why is the sexual part of all my relationships always kind of pressured, non-optimal, guilt inducing and so ego based? There has to be some pleasure FAR better than sex so that I can get rid of this bondage forever.

Love is another word I started hating. It’s an endless waiting and it feels so competitive. Every person I see happy in love makes me die a little bit inside. In the world around me, it seems like I have to really slog my ass off to make someone love me. At least if it was that way, I would have a definite path. Then it gets even more complicated when you realize, you cannot force it, it will just happen. Well it’s not happening and I am acutely aware of that. Even when I hear the word love or say it, I feel a lot of discomfort in my chest.

An evening walk - different ways of perceiving

While walking on the road, initially I noticed that my perception was locked in a certain pattern. I tried to open that up a bit by conceptualizing in new ways.

·         Looking at the number plates of cars and analyzing
·         Looking at street signs and parking boards
·         Looking at the shape and architecture of buildings
·         Counting the number of ground slabs, Counting the number of street lights and seeing spacing, noticing the sewer covers
·         Looking at all the people and judging their moods
·         Noticing clothing of all people
·         Noticing each shop and creating mental groups when possible
·         Paying attention to the colors around
·         Perceiving sky patterns
·         Noticing the ratio of trees (plants) to man-made objects
·         Noticing stationary vs. moving objects
·         Noticing the texture of things
·         Noticing the quality of the air, scents and my breathing
·         Noticing the reflections on glossy surfaces and watching the shapes that form

Why is everyday reality so stable and predictable?

I can intellectually understand that reality at any moment is infinitely complex and I can also feel my own experience is continually different and changing. I imagine it to be a fractal which is continuously morphing. But yet, my day to day experience of reality seems so enduring, persistent, repeatable, stable, very slow changing. That is where I feel stuck and the element of boredom or dissatisfaction kicks in.
It’s like how we have rock like structures in nature. The rock is microscopically changing at every moment, but to my eyes it looks, well, like a rock. It would appear as the same rock to me throughout my 100 year lifetime. Another example would be looking at ourselves in the mirror everyday, the changes would be imperceptible right?

My experience of reality is mostly changing so gradually, that if I sample a day or two, there are moment to moment differences but overall it feels almost the same (low novelty). Extreme, shocking, exciting, rapturous, novel, moving experiences are quite rare. Their frequency is decreasing as I am getting older. The only direct way for me to get a powerful experience is by trying out new drugs and increasing the dose once I understand its effects. In such a case, I may enjoy life much more, but firstly society would gun me down, Coolidge effect would kick in and lastly I might get addicted to those pleasures and fall into a trap.
What elements control the experience of rate of change or rate of fluidity in my perception? My conceptual knowledge accumulated from my past is making everything more and more predictable with fixed patterns (mundane). What area of perception do I need to improve OR what do I need to examine to increase my enjoyment and fulfillment in everyday life? Do I need to simply work of increasing the fire of my observation and awareness from moment to moment?

I have read that some enlightened beings lead a super ordinary life as perceived by most people, but they are utterly fulfilled and happy by that. How is that possible? Is it that their sensitivity is 10 times of mine? What do they do differently?

All value is from comparison: like if you only date one girl, you only know one fractal, but if you have dated 10, then you’ll have 10 times the perspective etc. The perspective, interpretation, rating and ranking gets better, the more number of experiences you have.

Knowledge is riches because it opens up so many more life experiences accessible through memory and choose between perspectives at the present moment. Also, the joy of comparison and deep understanding through connections.

Prison of beliefs

See everything 'as it is'. Feel all emotions completely without any controlling. Every belief is limiting, imprisoning you in a self-created prison. Every belief is giving away your power. Drop all beliefs and you have infinite power. There is nothing called power, love etc. or any emotion or experience outside of you. There is no outside. It’s your belief in separation that's giving you that feeling. Thinking something is good/moral/right/correct/noble is also a prison just like thinking something is bad/evil/despicable/shameful is equally imprisoning. All beliefs can be traced back to some person/people who gave you that. There is no reality to any of that besides your belief. You are the space in which everything arises and you are eternally this infinite space. All goals are based on your existing level of wisdom. If you elevate your level of consciousness, your goals could transform. You can be the most insignificant thing in the world OR the god of the world depending upon your beliefs. You can believe that you are the son of god and have the greatest purpose to enlighten people OR you could believe you are a ‘nobody’ and absolutely worthless. They both are still beliefs creating different experiences. Belief is needed for experiencing. Without belief there is no experience.  Also, from direct intense observation, it can be seen that if there is an ‘experiencer’, then the experience is temporary. The ultimate knowledge is simply seeing the totality of everything which automatically creates perfect intelligence, perfect intuition, and effortlessness. The question is “who are you?”; find the essence of this entity with the fire of awareness and it will reveal itself.

You are the entire universe

People would often settle for ‘you are a part of the universe’. But on further examination, the whole universe is you. When you are deep asleep there is nothingness. When you are awake all perceptions come back. You evoke the whole universe from your point of view while dreaming or awake. In the awake, dreaming state there is just perception. The ‘you’, mine, other is a division within the same space. ‘Time’ and ‘space’ are also part of this perception. Everything is eternally present and is ‘just is’. If all experiences are completed they leave the empty space you truly are without a trace. Like when a new born child moves from one room to another – everything is totally different.

People have also reported that set and setting is a huge thing while using psychedelics and just moving from one room to another makes a profound difference.  Maybe this is because the psychedelics greatly sensitize you and loosen your existing models of the world, allowing for fresh perspectives. You are life looking through this perspective/corner of its own creation. Everything is looking at itself from a specific viewpoint within everything. It’s like space moving through space. It’s like light moving through light. It’s like a hologram/fractal where everything is contained in everything infinitely.  Everything is a play of consciousness. There is wholeness in every moment. It’s only the form that’s changing.  All energies are there right now, the total energy of the universe is always the same and infinite and we are the total energy at every moment. Can you feel or know anything apart from you? We are the infinite energy and in an infinite sea of change. Even the enduring entities in our perception ultimately fall away upon death. So death is the final point for holding on to anything. The timeless component is not the changing forms; it is the formless awareness behind all form.

THERE IS NOTHING APART FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW AND YOUR EXPERIENCE. If you think there is, you have just divided your experience up into categories and concepts. You have created the entire game of the universe and now you’re in it and pretending to have forgotten that you know everything in order to freshly experience everything for the first time through infinite living creatures having infinite lives and infinite new perspectives for each. But the awareness which is everything, which is the knowing, which is simultaneously empty is always your essence.

All experience is felt moment to moment and is unique at every moment on sensitive examination. We never step in the same river twice. All the entities we think of as having essence are ghost like, when we shine bright light of awareness on them, they simply disappear and the truth is revealed in sparkling clarity. These essential entities can be dissolved only on intense powerful observation.

Our ultimate desire seems to be of union with everything. We relate to humans and not animals because we think they are similar to us. It seems like we always try to further our definition of ourselves. If we identify with a certain culture, conditioning, beliefs etc. then we try to expand only in that direction by finding similar people. The wider the definition of yourself, the more people you are embrace and understand. With the highest understanding, by this reasoning, you should be able to embrace every single concept, thing, person; real or imagined.

Is it similar to how we divide the land area of the world into countries? Are we dividing and sizing up people into similar boxes, boundaries, sets?

About First Times...

First times are usually a cocktail like mixture of expectations/anticipations (origins from a plethora of sources), excitements, fears (rejection, acceptance), anxieties, pressure (performance), urgency, grasping,  pleasure, the process of trying to interpret - fitting the new sensations into some mental model, sometimes shame.

The first times are Intense because of this cocktail but not usually pure pleasure. The pleasure is just one of the elements mixed into it.

Self Inquiry

If I look at my life history impartially, there have been people who really enjoyed and liked my personality and there have been people who have been indifferent or abusive. But somehow I have a tendency to view myself as a person who is not liked much or accepted by people in general. Why do I identify with this image more? Does it truly reflect the actual reality? Why do I tend to choose to be alone rather than with people? Why do I choose hobbies that greatly lower the need for interaction with others? Afraid of rejection, abusive people, exploiters, predators, indifference, judgments – anything that dis-empowers my perception of myself? Am I attached to an image of grandiosity about myself? And only like people who continually validate that? Which is why self-absorbed people don’t interest me since they are all about themselves and nothing is coming out?

How are my values created? Out of all the experiences in my life what is the magnet of my personality that creates my perception and memory? Are the core qualities of the magnet formed in childhood or are they a function of previous lives too OR does it have no boundaries and simply an ever evolving manifestation of god? By definition, I am a person (Incomplete) and moving towards completeness and all-inclusivity. The interesting part is that even though my environment is completely different, I am still trying to work on my past projects with the hope that I would find some future situation where they would perfectly come in handy.
Why do I perceive the way I do? Why do I see the world the way I do? Why am I ‘ME’ and not someone else? Why am I even asking these questions at the moment? To think about them in future?

Why do I have such a deep need to be understood? Why am I not sure of my own truth and I am so badly seeking validation from other people for that? I think the reason for validation is to gain social power. But what power can stand in front of truth? Isn’t this illusory power? Am I looking for some ground to stand on and thinking the best way is to get people to fortify my beautiful thoughts so that beauty continues in my perception?

Among all my perceptions, why are only some registered as me? Isn’t ALL PERCEPTION = me? There is this imaginary giant filter through which I pass all perceptions and whatever passes through gets stored into memory too. My motivation is coming from this memory castle which attempts to advance in certain ideas, pointers, and directions in the infinite reality space. These motivations change with environment, but certain core aspects seem to be persistent giving the clear feeling of permanence or an essential self. What is this essence?

Perception of everything as an investment

Everyone is running after investments in all forms. All relationships are investments, all job work performed is an investment, traveling around/exploration is an investment for interesting social conversations. There is a mindset where I can see everything reducing into some form of investment in anticipation of future reward/security.

Ecstatic movement of energies

All your life energies and EVERYTHING that you can possibly imagine and beyond is in a certain configuration at this moment. These energies are constantly in a flux and are ecstatically moving. The “I” concept filter acts as a huge barrier to the free movement of these energies. I force myself to think in a particular way, suppress feelings which arise which don’t seem right and encourage only certain patterns in myself. I also control my attention in definite ways which have been taught to me by society.

The energies are moving ecstatically from infinite intelligence and the “I” or ego attempting to stop them does not really stop them. The energies try to move around the obstacles I create and if they are impassable the energy transmutes into other forms and get stored as stress in muscles and nerves. If I unevenly dam a river, it starts flowing in a very turbulent way creating lots of opposing forces. It greatly reduces the power of the river, lowers speed and wastes lots of vital energy.

The ego cannot do anything to stop life energy since the ego conception itself is part of the flow. The “I” entity restricts the flow only because of social definitions imbued into us from societal man-made influences. Most of the ideas/concepts/energy configurations which define me are based on the ‘average understanding level’ of everyone who influenced me in my life. It’s like your operating system utilizing infinite energy from the background. Your operating system can only draw as much power from the infinite space as your beliefs permit it to do so. When you upgrade your beliefs, you upgrade your O.S. and can thereby draw more energy from the infinite space.

If you dam any part of your psyche, it will flow out through maximum force through the smallest of holes. This is why sexual repression is so powerful. It creates immense interest that it just wants to burst out of you if given the freedom. Whichever part you suppress or deny yourself, it will create pressure and want to come out of you in greater intensity. This is part of the reason why temporary self-denial is so pleasurable. It creates intense pleasure once you let go after a while.

Now the mind boggling part is that, being aware of this river of life is like the gift of a lucid dream. It happens to certain people at certain times and even that cannot be willed by you. Your very desire to know the truth that drives you to read and explore all these perspectives is part of your flow. The experience of releasing energies is very profound and liberating and stokes immense gratitude in you but it is not necessary to transfer this experience to each of the so-called non-liberated people. They are all having fun in their own way. You do not even need to go by any rules such as ‘Help those want to be helped’ since you will automatically do so anyway if your life energies desire so.

So the ultimate goal seems to be to free all your life energies completely and just sit back and enjoy the ecstatic ride. The tension and release game of life energies is what makes it such an interesting game. Regress your awareness far enough that you can see the whole game being created and animating the infinite energy into whatever configuration it wants to move in (including the part that you call ‘you’, ‘other’, ‘material world’, ‘separation’ etc., all concepts)

The ‘tension’ and ‘release’ principle is actually what we use in dancing all the time. Maybe that’s why the usage of the term ‘Ecstatic dance’ for the universe energies.

Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience

The ideal +ve experience is where the mind is like an infinitely large diamond that is clear, does not hold anything but yet, reflects/refr...