Saturday, September 28, 2013

Thoughts - 28 Sep 2013

The preference for women body types seems to be a belief oriented cultural mime and not absolutely true. Our projections of 'perfection pyramids' is subjective and belief based. If this applies to body types for males and females, wouldn't the same apply to even personality, behavior? Wouldn't the invisible aspects also be equally powerful as body types and as illusory too?

I wish for the attainment of a girl with the following perfections:
- perfect body/visual aesthetics/complexion/texture/color/facial features
- perfect health
- perfectly compatibility
- perfect match of interests
- perfect complement
- perfect growth and adventure
- perfect syncing of life goals
- perfect companion
- perfect healer

It is the attainment of the most desirable object. Can any object no matter how desirable ever satisfy you? Especially transitory and ever changing objects? Wouldn't there always be a concomitant fear of losing it? Wouldn't I have to put EFFORT to keep it with me? If it is so desirable, wouldn't everyone else want it to? Wouldn't it not be a continuous struggle to ensure that it stays with you? In fact isn't that how value is created, the very definition of collective value?

Everywhere in the society game, there are pyramids and everyone wants is fighting to get to the top. Whether it is to be the most attractive person, have the most vied for job, have the best apartment, car, sense pleasure access, access to the most desirable objects (both material and invisible in the form of experiences), get the most attention, respect, fame, adoration, admiration and love. Whats the point in fighting for something that is eventually going to fall away. If you have the wisdom of their impermanance and emptiness, would you still fight?

What is the definition of perfection? Is it just based on the belief model that I am holding? And I move through various belief models even within a single day and while talking to different people. The core archetypes of my belief system is what gives the feeling of continuity of 'Me'. The auras around this core are changing at different degrees. But what is the core but an unexamined very abstract archetype? When these archetypal core beliefs are examined then all burden would dissolve. Maybe there is no such real thing as perfection because of relativity of everything. There has to be a viewpoint that is transcendent and free of relativity. From that viewpoint everything is perfect including everything in the matrix of relativity and the relativity framework itself.

Is it even possible to attain anything? Is the very notion of attainment a fallacy? The very fact that I think I exist as a person implies I am incomplete and have a purpose to complete/fulfill myself. So existing as a person implies by its very definition a 'purpose'.

The more I look at the mental space of thoughts and their contents and spaces of occurrence, I can see their transiency, impermanance, emptiness nature. I will not use unreal, but their reality is terrifically impermanent and insubstantial. Even memories are that way, all of them.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Reflection on what reality is not - 21 Sept

Whatever I've read, all the accumulation of information, knowledge is suddenly lost when talking in-depth topics to family, or in heated debate with people. If something is real, how can it just disappear like that? It's probably because its all part of memory and when your whole working memory is filled with something else, you have a totally different experience and you HDD contents no longer matter. This is exactly what happens after watching movies too. The altered consciousness is because of the altered contents of working memory. So its the whole game of convincing anyone: Why is it so hard if I really have the truth with me? Why is that not sticking to me? Everything, EVERYTHING! seems to be fickle, shaky, changing and carries the possibility of falling away. I seem to be vulnerable of influence almost anytime even for great truths.

It's as if with great difficulty I extricate myself from the gravity of earth and move to Mars, but on contact with earth again it pulls me back in. Once again I put put EFFORT in disabusing myself of the narrow beliefs into the larger spaces. I seem to be attached to the larger spaces and heights of perception. I am quite confused about what to do. Should I dissociate myself from all contact with the narrow to avoid getting sucked back into that limited thought process? Would that just be avoidance again? This does not seem to be in line with either effortlessness not fearlessness. It almost seems like there is an extremely tall mountain of enlightenment and I have climbed halfway but I need to overcome attachment to it. This is in line with the scripture too about "Seeing oceans of bliss and miraculous states of being, wonder, beauty, joy, ecstasy" but even that has to be let go of." It seems like the only thing real is the common denominator for all experience. What is that? Just a sense of bare existence. Probably even that falls away in the void. So if I get grounded in the VOID and totally see that I have no identity, then what I would be is unimaginable, but that would be the operating point for infinite freedom. But that seems to have nothing to do with miraculous, wondrous states. Enlightenment doesn't seem to have anything to do with changing anything. It does not remove anything - suffering, pain, struggle, discomfort, resistance. When the knowledge is there, you feel the bliss/rapture. But what's the guarantee that the knowledge will stay with me. It's after all impinging on memory which is ever so fickle and dynamic. Another saying that strikes me here as very close to the ultimate experience is that "If a phenomena had a beginning in time, its not real" and everything I possibly know had a beginning in time in my cognition. So none of that can be real including all of my accumulation, knowledge and exploration. Am I looking in the wrong direction totally? How do I get closer to understanding what is truly real? Is this a stage in my evolutionary process OR is the process about understanding that there was never such a thing called liberation and enlightenment and there is nothing to get liberated from?

What is the notion of self-actualization? Is it for the dreamed self which is not even real? What about all my desires? The seeking energies in me? Are they all just dream goals? I cannot even hold on to the concept of everything being a dream because even that has a beginning in time and can pass away and return anytime. How can any verbal thought be real? It obviously has a beginning in time because you can see that you think yourself into that state. I can see now that this whole notion of there being this 'world', notion of 'I' that has desires to experience x,y,z is all just beliefs in self-reinforcing loops.

The satisfaction from all the videos I watch is derived from my intense curiosity (desire) to know what is actually knowledge, substantial, real etc. I keep calling myself a dream object in a dream created by dreamed beliefs. But what if there is nothing apart from this dream to wake up to? OR what if what I am is all the appearances (objects in my experience) and there is nothing apart from that? How can I trivialize a dream or an illusion if all of reality is made up of that? Who is writing all of this? It's another desire inside me to kind of lay out my thoughts and understand. But even this has a beginning in time and cannot be real?
Who is making my experiences move/change? I cannot say that 'I' have no control, because the 'I' itself is imagined including the notion of 'control', notion of 'having' and the notion that 'I do not have it'.

It is incorrect to say that 'There is nobody doing it' too. Because duality gets instantly stamped on anything I say/write/think in language.
The actual reality transcends language, space, time, thought and all phenomena (appearances).

Higher Rules:
- There is no self or other.
- There can be no contradictions. Contradictions indicate there is some belief.
- There is no doer. The doer itself is being done.
- Any phenomenon/perception that has a beginning in time is not real
- No verbal thought can be real.
- Reality transcends language, space, time, thought and all phenomena (appearances).
- Time and space are imagined into being.
- There is nowhere to go, nothing to do.
- Everything 'is'
- All 'effort' implies effort from the dreamed self which would not lead to getting closer to reality. It would just be cultivation.
- Everything can be safely experienced.

If everything happens by itself and if I can do away with all future planning and completely absorb myself in the present NOW, imagine how much energy would be available.

The whole enlightenment is a de-conditioning/deconstruction process. You return your identity to the unborn self. It's de-hypnotizing yourself. It has nothing to do with changing any phenomenal experience.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Life is a dream unfolding

In the common model of operation, there is the outside world, the inner psychic complex - a compartmentalization of the 2, and the outside stimulus is perceived by the inner psychic complex but very mildly. So whatever you see will look ordinary and fairly insignificant. But when the inner psychic complex opens up, we start to feel full with beauty, wonder etc.

Now everything described here along with the definitions, is one such model, we are forever moving into different models by change/time. Its exactly like the dream at night, we may believe and experience all kinds of things, but its all a dream and the reality is pure nothingness/unborn infinite potential. Once you realize you are that very thing (the invisible, formless, unborn, infinite, quality-less pure potential) then you can completely live this dream without identification and non-identification is freedom.

The catch here is, the desire arising and consciousness movement happens by itself. You cannot make the desire arise, because that would be another desire arising in the present moment. Also, the movement of expansion and understanding towards waking up also happens by itself. Waking up itself, happens by itself just like you don't wake yourself up in the morning, it just happens and your consciousness shifts into this configuration of reality. Even me thinking in this direction and writing about it is happening by itself. It's like, there are no individual wills, there is only God's will (universal force) moving everything.

Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience

The ideal +ve experience is where the mind is like an infinitely large diamond that is clear, does not hold anything but yet, reflects/refr...