Wednesday, September 26, 2012

23minute jhana meditation

Today was my first REALLY sincere attempt at Jhana meditation.
I read the following article:

It absolutely intrigued and inspired me and I was ready like never before to attempt it. I had a very intimate encounter with my own mind in these 23 minutes. My mind is like the ultimate hypnotist. It would get me out of the object chosen blistering fast and suddenly I would be like 'where the hell did I land up?, where was I?', just like a super fluid dream of continuously changing perception. Another very interesting thing I observed is that, I hold awareness of the actual real sensation for just a blip and quickly a mental concept takes over and like a change blindness trick I hold on to that instead. I think this is what the Buddhist texts meant by mental factors. Now this mental concept being in the fluid mental plane starts morphing into something else and I start to perceive something entirely different. The mental plane is like sinking sand. I would like to call it a 'dancing fluid space of continuously changing perceptions' rather than 'monkey mind'. The actual physical sensation appeared to change much more slowly. However, I could not observe it continuously since the mental factor distractions allowed me to only come back to it intermittently.

Its becoming a super interesting inquiry. Its like what is left when you let go of everything. I found that there are layers and layers that hypnotically pull me in. The real effortless reality lurks behind all those obfuscating Maya like layers which draw my attention and interest very easily. I watch this mental movie like an enraptured kid and then suddenly I'm like 'I was supposed to be observing the REAL breath sensation'.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Holotropic Breathwork experience - 15 Sept 2012

I had previously taken an intro 45 minute session, so I had a bit of idea as to what to expect. Reaching the space where your body is almost in-detectable (similar to the float tank) and exploring the mind-space. When I started off with my 2.5hr-3hr session, first I found those uncomfortable lightheaded energetic sensations which kept getting more intense as I continued. Surprisingly, I did not get tetany at all. Lying down in shavasana or with a similar position and legs folded worked out very well. After around 30-40mins of breathing, I suddenly fell into the holotropic state and was drawn into dreamlets. The dreamlets were quite similar to hypnogogia and were no more easier to observe. Whenever I tried to verbalize or conceptualize with my mind, the process would stop. Its almost like only one of them can function i.e. either I get enjoy the flow of images or have a blank screen where I think in words.

I recall around 3-4 dreamlet like scenes. The scenes were emotional but of medium intensity just like usual dreams. One interesting part was when I saw orange symbols like art flash in front of  my eyes. It was like my eyes were wide open and looking but I was wearing a mask and they were closed. That was a really interesting moment. It would be wonderful if I could get that kind of clarity with hypnogogia. Another very interesting moment was when a particular song was playing, it created really great feelings in me in those moments, like a real WOWW kind of feeling. My body felt really cool at the end like the energy has been totally cleansed. Only my entire right shoulder to right arm was paining and that also went away once I got up.

The interesting pointers for exploration are: how do you navigate and allow the flowing imagery to operate fully without the verbal, analytical and conceptual mind interruption? and the second is: How would you retain a strong memory of it without any conceptualizing? would it be like eidetic kind of memory training?

During the sitter role, the people crying and screaming around me coupled with the super loud emotional music (tracks played at the end of heroic and romantic movies) really moved me. I was thinking about my own suppression and how much energy would be released if I just let it go.

I got thoughts about a cell with a small nucleus at the tip of it say. The nucleus is the controlling inhibitory rationalizing part of me. But there are these whole cell contents pushing me in various directions. The nucleus decides whether to follow it or no but the pressure is nevertheless there. I thought about how divided my mind is and what wholeness might feel like. Why are all my actions so divided? That's why there is so much of stress, tension and indecision.

I can meditate on each aspect of my suppression and release it. The only suppression which I cannot fully release is with respect to moving the physical body, unless my work is in a lucid dream.

Friday, September 7, 2012

What if you could travel back and meet your past self?

While looking through old photos today, I could recall vivid memories and impressions from my past. I could also get a quick glimpse of my experience at that time like what it felt like to see/experience through those child eyes. I had collected photos of myself in a chronological order.

I could feel a kind of unconditional love for my past selves and experiences. I was wondering, what if I could go back and comfort that scared child I was? Show it the right perspective and give it all the love it missed. I would be the ultimate mentor since it is the absolute height of empathy possible. I know and can relate EXACTLY to the feelings of that child/adolescent. I can directly address the deepest fears and insecurities. I can also share that the future is totally OK and nothing that is happening now matters beyond an interesting memory.

Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience

The ideal +ve experience is where the mind is like an infinitely large diamond that is clear, does not hold anything but yet, reflects/refr...