Wednesday, July 16, 2014

About Meaning/Intimacy/Transcendence

Each day in my exploration of meaning, I'm seeing clearer and clearer that EVERY single life situation is meaningful.
Every life situation is like a particular dream of the 'Infinite' OR I could say, its like looking at the 'divine potential/creation/jewel' from different points of view (Like how each time you visit a place, you see different parts of it OR different aspects of the same thing OR different interpretations of the same thing and so forth).

What we call existence, awareness, life is not a noun but a verb. Its the movement between one point of view to another and so on. An endless unfolding of meaning. The relativity of everything makes each point of view dependent on all the others and vice versa, creating total interconnectedness. In this total interconnectedness, you are always looking at the whole, only from different points of view. (The complete picture whether you are seeing 30% ying and 70% yang or vice versa, still always adds up to 100% or the infinite.)
I always dreamed of total intimacy/union and so my in that endeavor I tried to get closer and closer to my partner.
So my initial state was: psychological distance and longing was for intimacy.

But now when I am very intimate, I miss psychological distance, mystery, fascination, awe, wonder, excitement, anticipation, curiosity, sexual charge and exploration. Of course there are the flip aspects too of having psychological distance. This comes with insecurity, anxiety, fears (fears of rejection are stronger, fear of being misunderstood, fear of abandonment), insecurity, uneasiness, pressure (to try to impress, prove worth etc.), trust is lower, psychological armor is higher, superficiality is higher, understanding is lower and so forth.
So now my state is: high intimacy and longing is for psychological distance.
In intimacy, you have more trust, more understanding, more relaxation, more ease, more comfort, less stress, more security, less pressure, less psychological armor, more depth in convos etc. But the flip side is, less of (mystery, fascination, awe, wonder, excitement, anticipation, curiosity, sexual charge and exploration).
But even this picture is kind of simplistic. Because when I long for intimacy another part of me also wants psychological distance. Also vice versa, when I long for psychological distance, I also don't want to reduce intimacy. So like Gurdjieff said, these are 2 contradictory aspects of myself. When one gets satisfied, the other starts to pull in the other direction and vice versa. So I kind of see this push and pull effect as a characteristic of existence itself which is constantly moving in ecstasy between dualities.
Another aspect would be, even in intimacy there are levels which can once again trigger all of the desired qualities (mystery, fascination, awe, wonder, excitement, anticipation, curiosity, sexual charge and exploration). Like say if we are at level 5 then level 6,7,8 would trigger emotions of wonder. Similar to how people in the monetary game start of making say 40k a year and aim for 60k. When they reach 60k they aim for 80k and so forth. However as they gain more and more money, another part of them feels encumbered by their possessions and wants to be free of the accumulation. So this is another example of 2 contradictory forces in the same man.
The 2 really crazy contradictions that exist in me are:
Desire for complete psychological distance/freedom/wonder and desire for absolute/total intimacy/union/peace.

So the real truth I experience is that, there is nowhere to reach, neither absolute psychological distance (total unknown) nor absolute intimacy (total known). Total known = No mystery, but full safety. Total unknown = Full mystery, but great fear. So we oscillate between these 2 and the satisfaction happens through understanding. Also transcendence happens through understanding/observation. Total happiness, is total understanding of the abstract mechanics of creation itself and it is not in the attainment of any particular state/point of view.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Nature of gain/loss meaning/meaninglessness, attachment and manifestation

Supposing you lose your eyes, a certain kind of experience is lost and only stays in memory henceforth. Isn't that the same for even trying out drugs like cocaine, meth, ecstasy, psychedelics etc.? Where you get a certain experience for a certain time and then its gone and it only resides in your memory after that. Aren't all of our experiences like that, i.e. stepping into a different river every-time?

Then why are we afraid of losing our eyes? Taking it further, why are we afraid of losing anything? Are we afraid of losing that flavor of experience? Are we afraid because of survival difficulty? What is survival anyway? Maintaining this mega-frame of a self-outside distinction?

Is all pain, a fear of loss of some kind? Pain of - loss of someone you love, loss of your own body, loss of certain experiences, loss of certain mental abilities, loss of senses, loss of certain flavors of perceptions?

Does it mean, pleasantness is gain of any kind - loved ones, senses, extension of body, experiences, mental abilities, flavors of perception?

Loss can only happen to the things we are attached to. Why are we attached to certain things and not others? On examination doesn't it seem silly? Is attachment entirely based in unawareness? Can attachment exist when you are fully aware? Why should we be attached to any frame of mind, any object of perception?

Why should we be attached to this experience of the mega-frame of being a separate person(I, me, mine) in an external world?
Why should we be attached to the frame of possessing things (mine frame)?
Why should we be attached to others perception of us(me frame)?
Why should we be attached to certain qualities which we identify as us ('I' frame)?
Is it because it is circularly reinforced by every person we meet who believes in the same thing? Are we continuously re-hypnotized into believing these frames? What is the cost of not giving in to these frames everyone believes in? Is a certain deep chunk of unawareness the only reason for existence of this waking manifestation plane as a separate person?

Is this flavor of experience there just for the variety of it? Out of the infinite combinations, is this experience manifesting just for the fun of it? It doesn't seem like there could be any purpose, because purpose itself is an appearance. It seems like the only reason for the existence of this 'experience' is just for the novelty and meaning of it. It is a dream, a particular kind/flavor of dream just for the experience of it. If you were God, how else would you enjoy yourself besides creating these sublime dreams!

It seems like total awareness is God itself, the way to reach God is just by expanding awareness to the whole of experience. The only reason why dreams can exist without the dreamer knowing that he is dreaming is unawareness. Maybe this unawareness is there just for the fun and meaning of it, so that this kind of meaningful experience is possible.
There is meaning in meaning and meaning in meaninglessness, meaning is eternally there.

Meaning and meaninglessness:

Presence of presence of hope is meaning. 
Presence of absence of hope meaninglessness. 
But both are 'Present' and equally valid complete experiences.
Presence is eternal (Absence is also a kind of presence).

There is meaning(implicit) in meaninglessness(explicit), there is meaninglessness(implicit) in meaning(explicit). 
Just like light and dark, where dark is implicit in light(explicit) and light is implicit in dark(explicit). They are inseparable. 
When meaning is in the foreground/explicit and meaninglessness in the background/implicit then your life is filled with riches and hope.
When meaninglessness is in the foreground/explicit and meaning is in the background/implicit then your life is filled with poverty/scarcity and lack/despair.

Also, meaninglessness potentiates meaning. Greater the meaninglessness you have experienced, greater is your potential to feel meaning relative to the amount of the former experienced.
Meaning potentiates meaninglessness. Greater the meaning experienced, greater the potential for meaninglessness when the factors creating meaning are removed.
They both create each other mutually.

Even in life and death, you are most afraid of death when you feel the most alive. If you are in an ordinary mood/ordinary day then your fear of death would be lower too.

The movement is like a pendulum, greater you pull on one side, greater is the distance reached on the other because the potential energy thus created. All experience is therefore complete, whether it is 30% kinetic and 70% potential or vice versa, kinetic + potential = same in all cases. The 'Yin+Yang  = Unity' in all snapshots.


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Reality Perception: How Words Shape Experience

Reality Perception:
Every word you present to yourself is a 'symbol of a certain quality'. Since words are carriers for qualities, the words you use fill your mind with the corresponding qualities they represent. Words therefore directly affect reality perception. Now lets say, we have a undesirable quality X and a desirable quality Y. We also have logical operator words like not, don't etc.

The negative logical operator words like not, don't only indicate 'resistance or defense' against the basic quality laid out.

For Example: Don't do X, then X is the quality dominating the reality screen. The 'Don't' just adds resistance against the quality X. 
So all that there is in the reality screen is: 1. A quality X, 2. Resistance against X (by the 'don't' phrase.)

In other words, 'Don't do X' does not imply you'll experience Y (Y being the desired action). 
In your direct experience, the only 2 things that would exist would be quality X and a resistance to quality X. 
Your external behavior however may indicate that Y is dominating your awareness, but in your internal experience (which is what really matters), you are not experiencing Y at all.

In mathematics -(-1) = +1. 
This is not true/not applicable in direct experience. -(-1) stays as it is, as its own quality, and does not become +1.

A more concrete example: 
If a person tells himself 'Don't be bad', the quality 'bad' dominates his awareness and he resists this quality by the word 'don't'. He does not feel the quality of 'good' at all. Though externally this person's actions would appear like the quality 'good' is dominating his reality, but it is not so.

Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience

The ideal +ve experience is where the mind is like an infinitely large diamond that is clear, does not hold anything but yet, reflects/refr...