Monday, April 30, 2012

Thoughts - 30Apr

I seek the highest meta-paradigm. From there all my worldly knowledge can be assembled into place. The problem with most people is that they accept a large number of assumptions without questioning and all their life's thinking is within that paradigm. Uncovering these assumptions is one of the greatest routes to freedom.

Any quantification of future value (money) or accumulation of a symbol for future benefit (money) is subject to all the uncertainties of nature - human, ecology, economy etc.

Every moment our energy keeps moving and our paradigm keeps shifting and we are always in the center. The only way to go against this is by using memory.

From knowledge acquired at the top level from deep thinking, a bedrock is created that can support all information in its paraphernelia

I am unable to hold on to any paradigm without effort no matter how much I repeatedly read or how many insights I receive.

In relation to money: What is value? Who defines it?

It is difficult to see the entire cycle - crest and trough when the wave is very long. For example: In nature a rock looks permanent, but it too has a cycle not visible during our 80-100year life span.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What is heaven?

The more I ponder over what a heaven should be like, the more I can see my inability to find a truly satisfactory description.

First of all I cannot really grasp happiness as anything beyond the temporary euphoria I experience. Sometimes, when everything is going well and external pressures are at a minimum, there is a feeling of satisfaction that ensues. But even this is dependent on me thinking about how my position is good. At every moment there are continuous variations in my experience.

If I think happiness is the general contentment when things are going well, then is it the predominance of pleasant feelings over the ones that are bad? But still the bad needs to exist to create necessary contrast. For example: say you move from Utah to California, initially the better weather is admired and gives you a lot of pleasant feelings when you think about the contrast. But this also seems as just a thought. For example: I love my camera, but while typing the first part, the camera was nowhere in my thoughts until I remembered it just now. So we get pleasure only when we think certain thoughts.

The interesting part about this game of duals/contrast is that wherever you are,  there is infinity on both sides of the spectrum. So you always feel you are in the center no matter where you are. That is why we are afraid to completely enter the present moment. If you are fully involved in a book, you totally forget about your body, whether your a man or female, where you are in the world etc. We access our memory and recall our relative positioning in everything we care about and position our-self on the scale. Now this is again a relative scale we use. For e.g.: I will rate myself as intelligent or dumb depending upon the people who are in contact with me and to whom I have given significance over a period of time. But these people may just be a small set of say 100 people. A person in the Mensa club, if he is only in contact with those 100 people all the time, he would soon start to feel very dumb if he is unable to compete in any of their activities.

Our feelings seem to depend on what paradigm we see ourselves in. People use memory to keep track of their overall position. Like if you ask a person about how good looking or intelligent he is, he could give you a percentile score based on his intuition using all the patterns stored in memory. Even our memory stores only 1/billionth of sensory input. Only information that is deemed significant is stored. We usually dismiss anything below a certain threshold of change as white noise. Very slow changing things give us the illusion of permanence. For example: Our body keep slightly changing in  appearance throughout our life but whenever we look in the mirror we do not see this dis-continuity.

There are core beliefs that keep us locked into believing this paradigm is reality. But when we really question it, it looks like an illusion. There are so many scientific facts which are counter-intuitive to all our senses. Can we really trust our senses for truly understanding reality? When we are dreaming we totally believe our senses are conveying real information.

Even in this changing experience, there is a feeling of me which seems continuous. I suppose that this is from some core beliefs firmly lodged in the subconscious creating the specific patterns of perception and bio-chemistry.

Maybe this reality we have is even better than whatever concepts we come up for heaven. Since I have the power to believe in anything or drop any belief. I may be everything and I can choose to be anything in this sample space by directing my attention and interest in that direction. The key would be to reach emptiness and see our entire lives from there.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

No experience is fully satisfying

If I think about it hard, I cannot imagine any 1 state or experience that will be the most optimal for me, forever. Lets analyze the typical societal dream. Buying a good house, car, marrying a good wife and raising children for a man. Lets say someone gives this to me without any journey. Will I live happily ever after? Even assuming I went through a long arduous journey, how long will the euphoria of achievement last? Most people spend a significant part of their life acquiring this security for their future, just so that they get this temporary euphoria? Of course the strategy people adopt to deal with the emptiness that ensues is looking into other people's lives, circumstances and then either gossiping, making judgments or mentoring, helping other people reach this same stability. To maximize the variety in experience. People do both. They identify with certain people like their family, friends, certain relatives and form a clique. If you belong to the clique, this person is very helpful to you. If you are outside his definitions of how life is to be lived, you would be gossiped about, judged and discussed about in negative light.

Every experience seems temporary by definition. If something was so permanent, wouldn't you immediately stop registering it? Things make footprints in memory only because the information is deemed important. We are probably storing only 1/billionth of the sensory input we are receiving. Information by definition is entropy. Higher the entropy more the information.

It seems like life is life only because of this mystery: The paradoxes, ambiguity and uncertainty. Maybe this surprise element for each individual is why we are born in earth to experience this dimension. So this game seems like its not about attainment. Neither is it about the conquest towards absolute control. Its not even the game about acquiring one set of beliefs forever. What I want seems like a complex riddle in itself? To figure this out, I need to understand questions like who am I? what is life? what do I really want? and use my full power of imagination to ensure all that I experienced till this day is validated by the answers I discover.

Lets take a hypothetical case, where we discover an island which is entirely made up of gold. Even the people there are made of gold. If we go to a person there and tell them "Wow, you are made of gold, yo are gold!, how does it feel to be that?". He might respond saying "I don't know of a word called gold, I cant in the name of god see how I am special, everything around me is ordinary". Sometimes I feel our human consciousness is like that. We need to step outside it, to see the full significance of it. The value of anything is known from its opposite in the relativistic way. In the absolute sense the true value of anything is revealed when compared from emptiness.

For a normal person, the time just seconds after getting up is a state that is relatively empty and this could give him a faint taste of what real emptiness might feel like. How good does it feel to hear a good song just after getting up fresh?

The mystery of sleep

Every living thing with a brain is observed to sleep. We humans require anywhere between 4-8hours of sleep each day. There are obviously medical explanations quoting that the loss of consciousness is needed for the cells to slow down and regenerate. Every single night, for almost 1/3rd of our lives, we sleep and yet we are convinced by such a  simplistic explanation? Sleep being one of the major determinants of health and happiness, shouldn't it not be given more thought?

But I can think of many other explanations which cannot be proved or disproved:
  • Since we have no awareness whatsoever while sleeping, what if we move to another dimension and have an experience incomparable to our current one? Maybe we recover all the energy needed everyday from this zone? Would it then be possible to consciously move into this dimension and pull out this energy all day long obviating the need to sleep itself?
  • What if it is the inefficiency of operation during the day that causes us to crash in the night? If we learn to operate at the next level of efficiency: physically and mentally, would there be a significant reduction in the sleep requirement? (similar to yoga practices etc.)
  • We still don't know the exact reason why we dream. We go through various sleep cycles every night which are probably related to a survival program that prevents us from staying in the deep sleep phase for long. In the modern world, since there is little need for a survival program that rigorous, would it be possible to figure out a way to induce deep sleep directly for a preset duration?
  • Maybe every time we sleep our current soul leaves and another soul very similar inhabits our body. Because of the slight change, we do not feel its discontinuous.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Awareness journey

In my journey of improving awareness, I have noticed some phenomenon happening at a deep level. I frequently slip in and out of hypnosis and can see clearly only when I put special effort. Its almost like when I put special effort, I amplify this awareness function and it suddenly shows me things more clearly. Another ironic part is that, this special effort is more like relaxing or dropping things, and not the colloquially defined effort. Its paradoxical like I have to put effort in dropping things to stay effortless. In fact, while putting this effort, I notice this paradox too and a mental state change is witnessed. Ideally, my increase in awareness should not disturb my current mental/physical state at all. I feel that the work I am doing here is using effort to eventually see clearly and reach effortlessness. I need to see things clearly first before I can figure out how to transcend them.

Various objects and people on the road suddenly channel my attention and it feels like I am pulled into a sort of hypnosis when they touch my perception. There is some deep seated fear/belief/childhood experience that makes me do this which I am yet to see clearly. I also frequently put myself in a disassociated state where I stop registering many things around me. Almost like a stupor where I am numb to all external stimuli and more internally focused. Again have to train my awareness to pinpoint the original causes or drivers for this behavior.

Another thing that happens is that, the thought fractals pull me in and I lose self awareness once into it and suddenly snap out of it when I remind myself to stay in the present. Its almost like I choose to watch a movie but get sucked into it frequently and have to keep reminding myself that I am outside it and that I am the one who chose to watch it in the first place.

I am going to closely watch the director of attention closely to get further into the onion layers.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Electric outlets - economic system analogy

Imagine our economic system were like a large number of buildings filled with electrical outlets(jobs). Some of them full, some of them empty. Imagine we all had a tail with plugs at the end. The plugs(skills) can fit into the electrical sockets. Now our task is to figure out a socket that would fit our plug the best. For some people they can simply plug in with no modification. For others, they need to chisel off their plugs to fit it in somewhere. Now some outlets provide higher electricity(money). Some people use step up transformers(education) to pull out more current. It is necessary to sign a contract (employment terms) for using the outlets where we can plug for 9hours everyday. Certain other outlets can be used with part-time contracts (half time) but provide much lower current.

Staying in reality

What if you drop everything that is outside this present moment. In my experience, it is achieved by amplifying our observation. At any point of time, there are a lot of processes in our mind which consume resources. Like when you open the task manager in your windows PC, sometimes you notice a lot of unknown processes consuming a lot of resources. Thought patterns are sustained by their supporting beliefs. If you drop the beliefs the thoughts will stop receiving fuel and die down.
Stopping some core survival based sensory interpretation requires PURE trust.

When you keenly observe after a while some amazing processes are spotted.
  • When you close your eyes, how do you know that you are in your room sitting in your chair say? You can literally feel the layout of the room and a vague feeling of all the items in it. This process can be dropped which will make you feel you are just floating in space.
  • Proprioceptive - awareness of your body in space. How do you know the boundaries of your body? This process can be dropped.
  • If you play music and intensely follow its notes, you can also step out the mosaic like visual fractal created behind your closed eyelids. This vision processing can also be turned away from.
  • Turning away from the hearing process is the most difficult. It seems like its the most intimate survival aid and turning away from it requires tremendous trust.
Suddenly things start to become very clear. All the energy spent in circulating thoughts is freed into the present moment resulting in sights, sounds and feelings increasing in perception clarity. I can stay in this state for a short while before the hypnosis kicks in again. Everyone around me seems to be living in an hypnosis. Every single thing you can perceive cannot be you because you are the ultimate perceiver like a fire that cannot burn itself.

We hypnotize ourselves into creating an identity which is a collection of certain thoughts (images), feelings stored in memory. Its a lazy and inflexible mind that creates stickiness and a continuity similar to persistence of vision while observing a fan rotating (it appears like a full circle). If you really experience your daily life with more intensity, the discontinuity can be seen and the real you can dis-identify itself.

When you meet another person, his concepts, perception filters and opinions are relevant to you only within that interaction. Because concepts, opinions, beliefs and perception filters exist at an independent plane and need to dis-entangled from other planes. His filters are just one of the ways of interpreting the infinite reality. You can pick up his concepts if they empower you or drop all of it after the interaction is complete. But do not exaggerate its importance in the large picture of reality.

Enjoying the journey but not the destination

This phenomenon of enjoying the journey but not the destination can happen only in an illusion (Maya).

Maya centers on the fact that our beliefs create all reality that matters to us. The most intriguing part about this is that, this illusion nevertheless functions. Its actually an issue in semantics while translating the Sanskrit word to English. In English, an illusion does not function. Beliefs are capable of creating full blown experiences. But the greatest power in our hands is to choose/not to choose to play the game of beliefs.

I read an interesting quote somewhere.

"The world we experience and the life we live, are the reflections of our thoughts. The mind creates a world of illusion. By changing our thoughts, we change the illusion and experience a different reality. We do not create a world, only an illusion that looks real. No unusual power is involved here. We are living in Maya and are changing the Maya."

There are 2 examples I can think of:

In the movie peaceful warrior, the master tells the student that as a reward for all the hard work he is going to take him to a magical place. The master and student trek for long along a rough mountain path. The student is hyper excited all the while. When they finally reach the top, the master says that this is it. With this the student is instantly turned off and he asks the master if all he wanted to show was the view from the mountain top. The master says no, and lifts up an ordinary stone and says this is what I wanted to show. With this the student is even more disappointed.

There is another example I can recall from childhood. Once a guy was told by his friend that a girl in his class found him attractive and liked him. He trusted that friend and therefore thought it was really true. For the next 6 months, whenever he looked at that girl, he was primed to think that she was admiring him or giving him furtive glances. His whole opinion about her was transformed. He started to create a soft corner for her in his mind which was free from judgment. Also, he would be extra nice while talking to her. At the end of these 6 months, the friend revealed that it was just a prank and that girl did not mention anything about him. Now this guy was suddenly disillusioned.

So this example shows how a belief in something can transform the entire journey and induce all kinds of experiences. Now the complexity here is that though the belief was not based in reality, the experiences created by them were real. This is the power of illusion. It really creates experience inside you. In the above 2 examples, we can clearly see that the journey element was filled with rich experience. Though the final destination was not corresponding with the starting belief.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Conventional love is just trading

It is more like a barter system. The 2 people are mutually attached to each others' personalities. This kind of love also involves a lot of attachment. So the 2 people involved are trapped in the prisons of their existing personalities. They may really enjoy this prison, but how long will they enjoy it? How long can this be sustained?

This game can be extended though and you can try to love more and more aspects of the other person. This might be the stepping stone towards unconditional love. But from what I see around me, there is PLENTY of room for improvement here. Society seems so intolerant for any behavior beyond its preset boundaries. People dismiss you as sick, crazy, weird, deviant if you do anything beyond its defined space. 90% of people seem to be heavily under the influence of this conditioning. So under this hypnosis they are only capable of loving you as long as your within this framework. So in essence they do not love the REAL you but a certain personality which you carry. Of course, your personality can have slack and movement within that would be accepted too. But in the overall picture, in order to live with such a person, you;ll need to greatly limit your freedom and keep your behavior mostly predictable within the personality archetype and its slack.

Thinking about it in the broadest sense, the real you is the ultimate observer behind all perception. It cannot be observed itself because that is a fire trying to burn itself. Everything that we can perceive is not us. If we do think it is us, then that is an attachment to a set of thoughts, feelings and images because of our conditioning or because we find them pleasurable. So we attach all those perceptions into our definition of ourselves. And we are afraid of losing these perceptions, which is why we fear death so much.

Even this conventional love can vary in its levels of depth and intimacy. The deeper the person explores himself and you, the more he/she becomes capable to loving. A person's capacity to love depends on his/her level of self exploration and knowledge. The more intimate your knowledge of yourself, the more intimately you can understand the other and therefore the more your your capacity to love.

Here are the different levels I can think of in increasing levels of intimacy:
1. External possessions like car, house, money, social power
2. Physical body and its dynamics attraction
3. Common interests - such as a sport, playing musical instruments, common situations
4. The personality framework
5. Deeper more subtle feelings
5. Your dreams / ideals / core beliefs
6. The true essence of who you are (which implies he has reached the same level with himself) / unconditional love

But even in this hierarchy it gets tricky. Sometimes, it depends on what each person values the most. Some girls would have a good looking body and would value that even higher than their feelings. And many girls may value their feelings much higher than their physical body. So each has a value pyramid.

In the broad sense, we can say love moves from gross to subtle planes. The subtler the plane, greater the love.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Belifes create 'Experience' itself

We are originally born as a blank slate. Our mom, dad or people we met in early childhood pay a pivotal role in create all our major beliefs. Thereafter we pursue things that line with these beliefs throughout our adulthood. With very deep introspection and awareness, it should be possible to uncover these core beliefs. Even the above statement is a belief "That it is possible to uncover/modify/examine/understand or remove our core beliefs with enough deep thought" and another one of "I am capable of doing this deep thought". These 2 can work together and launch a person into discovery.

For a lot of people, they may know a lot about how something is to be done, but this would often not have a corresponding "I am perfectly capable of doing it" to support it. Many times their experience is just based on the belief that "I happen to know the theory about how it is done and therefore I have the upper hand over someone who cannot articulate it as well". But they would also feel pangs of insecurity when the people around them who are more articulate and know more theory. So if this person values theory, then his experience is created by the space of people's knowledge on this subject and their skill of articulation.

This topic is actually terrifically complex. I can probably write books on the same. The startling part about it is that your beliefs create what matters to you the most, 'Experiences' themselves.  People are different from each other in their motivation, drives, interests etc. mainly because of this difference in beliefs. The fuel for all thoughts is our beliefs. Thoughts have no power over us if not for the supporting beliefs which can create an entire spectrum of experiences.

There are core beliefs in us that drive most of what we do. If any of these core beliefs is changed then it is like a clutch that is disengaged from the wheel. The old pattern continues but it only lasts till the residual momentum runs out. In other words, our whole being is driven by beliefs and it is these beliefs that create experience. So technically if all beliefs are dropped, then no experience would be registered, it is a state of non-experience.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Happiness and love concepts too ambiguous

The concepts for happiness and love are just too vague. People all around the world use these words indiscriminately, and they could represent anything in a very large set of experience. When I try to combine everything together, these words almost seem purely subjective. I feel these words are simply distractions for a truth seeker, they can be done away with. We are told since childhood that the ultimate aim in life is to love and achieve happiness. But these definitions themselves are crazily unclear.

Conventionally society claims that happiness is a passing thing and needs to be earned again and again. Certain religions on the other hand claim that happiness is a permanent state and has nothing to do with your changing situations. Buddhism claims that unconditional love stems out of emptiness (we may as well call it by any other name) and this state is after all concepts are dropped including our 'conventional love' notions. If that is the case, why should we even label things and constrain our thinking within these illusory concepts?

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Twilight(Dawn, Dusk), Day, Night

While considering a day, I think the twilight element is often not really emphasized. Its a beautiful transition period where all the wavelengths of light transition from white(golden) to VIBGYOR. As individuals, each of us also has this twilight period just before waking up and just before falling asleep.
Every time I see a parallel in nature to what happens within me, it makes me feel awe like I'm part of a much larger system.

Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience

The ideal +ve experience is where the mind is like an infinitely large diamond that is clear, does not hold anything but yet, reflects/refr...