Saturday, October 4, 2014

Experience of Depression

Decay, frozenness, barrenness, flatness, dullness, decrepit, large swathes of stagnancy, lot of inaccessible areas, chaos, confusion, dread (because of momentum in the direction of movement), effort/suffering, hopelessness (because of direction of energy movement), descending into a black hole, fear that it would stay forever (because of the long term nature of it), losing more and more energy, despair (severe dearth of energy to do anything about it), surviving based on little windows of good emotions/connections, bleakness, very poor executive function, getting overwhelmed by chaotic unpleasant forces, burden of expectations, dark skies blocking most of the light, fog everywhere and obscured environment with lots of black holes and stagnancy, spiraling troubles as more and more people react to me with either neglect, condemnation, abuse, disgust, anger, hatred, rejection, misunderstanding and all kinds of negative emotions, making me lose faith in everything because everything is turning against me, body pain, fatigue, listlessness, loss of all kinds of mental faculties, loss of intelligence, vigor, vitality. The world becomes a scary place triggering all kinds of unpleasant possibilities and suffering and a it would take a great struggle to get out of them and may or may not get out - uncertainty. This caused me to stay alone, stop interacting, stop participating in anything, causing a brain starved of stimulation and therefore decaying more and more, total inability to assert myself, numb and and very vaguely aware of my own needs.

What is needed: 
Attention, Help, Support, Concern, Acceptance, Care, Love, Patience, Knowledge, Understanding, Nurture.

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